I can never quite understand why people tend to be so concerned about MY actions and decisions I make. It's one thing to care and be concerned that I might be making a poor decision, but it's another thing to basically chastize me for something I have or have not done. Especially when it has no adverse effect whatsoever on their life. I've been confronted with this in the past few weeks in a variety of ways, none of which make sense to me. I have to stop and ask; why do you CARE so much?
There is the trivial stuff: my friend snidely remarking that she's "sick" of me carrying my red purse. I'm sorry - I happen to LIKE my red purse, I'm sorry if that offends you! If it does, buy me a new purse! I won't complain. Comments about how I should do "more" with my hair, how I should cut it, let it grow, etc. Seriously? Unless you are coming over to personally shampoo, condition and style my hair, whatever I choose to do with this head of hair is MY business.
Then there are the bigger issues: my life decisions. Now, I understand wanting to "guide" a friend out of making a bad decision, but in the grand scheme of things, those decisions rarely have a significant impact on the day-to-day life of the "intervener". There are alway exceptions to the rule, of course. Perhaps you don't want me to date a certain guy because it is nothing but a disaster waiting to happen. But if I don't have enough insight to see that, or can't take off the rose-colored glasses long enough to notice the impending train wreck, what's that got to do with YOU?!?! Without getting too specific, I have one friend that used to scrutinize almost everything I did, be it my current beau or...well that was mainly it. Whatever I chose to do with him, there was a commentary. What's funny is that when the tables turned, and I noticed her making similar decisions to the ones I made, I didn't say a word. Although I might not have agreed with some of the things...because hindsight is always 20/20...I knew it wasn't my business.
It's one thing to ASK someone for their opinion and getting an honest reply, but it's the unsolicited advice that irks me to no end. Next time I want some direction, I'll ASK for it!
I wanted to delve deeper into this pet peeve, but I am struggling to keep my eyes open so Ineed to walk around!!!
Before I go, allow me to showcase one of my favorite songs from Marvin Winans Jr's debut CD, "Image of a Man" in stores TODAY!!!
"Been So Long"
(as leaked and bootlegged on YouTube)
5 comments:
OMG! We are a lot alike! I have the very same pet peeves. Like, recently, I've gotten into makeup and accessories, whereas before I've been a "plain jane" so to speak! Girl, I have had all kinds of commentary from people saying, "glad you FINALLY decided to be more girly" as if I was missing something or not a complete person...or best yet, NOT BEAUTIFUL as I WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
See, I told you! lol. I feel you!! It's one thing to SEEK someone's input, but the unsolicited remarks (the one you gave is a perfect example, them throwing in the "FINALLY") drives me crazy. It might be meant as a compliment, but I don't always take it as such.
And my girl was on my nerves about that purse. I even asked her what impact my purse choice has on her life, and threw in the "THIS IS MY LIFE!!" for good measure. lol.
LOL! See, because the thing is, even if it's meant as a compliment, it's not because of the word, "Finally" for example. I would've felt the same way about the purse, LOL! People!
OMG that is so me and my bff. The difference is I'm the one that would have comments about how bad her shaved eyebrows looked or her super long weaves. One day she cracked and told me how much it bothered her and that I should pay for her weave. The point is I didn't know she was so sensitive about it all.I figured I was doing her a favor. So on her birthday I treated her to a much needed hair appointment.
In my line of work I have to notice everything from hair to the shoes and in essence putting looks together is what I do. I had to realize that she was happy with the painted brows I on the other hand wasn't and had to deal with it. lol I'm telling you this because sometimes its difficult to guess what bothers others.
If I am not on point on a day to day basis my boss or one of my colleagues tells me right away. It doesn't bother me.
@ JACKIERODRI & Tosha...I guess there is an element of sensitivity to that. Jackie, as you said, you work in an industry where your appearance is highly scrutinized, and vice versa, so I can understand why offering unsolicited advice about appearances comes naturally to you. And if it's being done daily at work and it doesn't bother you, why would it bother others. I, on the other hand, work in a hospital where I get away with scrubs and a ponytail, no makeup. (lol, yes that's my look for the day). Plus I've never been particularly into style...I know a cute outfit when I see it, but it's never been a passion of mine. But, I am guilty of offering unsolicited advice about my distaste of motorcycles and told my friend to get good health insurance. I care, but he didn't ask. I offered it because on a weekly basis I see at least 4 uninsured motorcyclists with really bad injuries and no access to help. I say all this to say, you'll tend to be more outspoken about something you're knowledgable about.
However, in most cases, the people who offer their "two cents" to me don't know squat about nothin'. lol
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