"You are better off being single, wishing to be married, than to be married wishing you were single again. You have the rest of your life to be married; enjoy the few years you have of being single" - E. Royster Harper
My former employer uttered those words to me almost seven years ago, and they have stuck with me since. With the imminent approach of Valentine's Day, there is no time like the present to reflect on the blessings of singlehood -- and lament over the lack of consistent companionship.
A very close friend of mine is in a situation he wishes to escape. Married five years ago at the age 24, he is beginning to feel that he rushed into matrimony and is contemplating next steps. He acknowledges feeling envious of my freedom as a single and childless woman, and has found himself in an unfulfilling marriage (no kids). I don't know what to say. As the single woman who desires a companion, I encourage him to appreciate the fact that he has found love. I tell him how difficult it is to be single out here...but, maybe that experience is different for single men than it is for women. I know plenty of married women who say that they do not envy me and my current relationship status. Thanks -- that's comforting.
On the flip side, the majority of my friends are (ostensibly) happy. Two of my closest friends here in Florida have been married for over 6 years and are blissful. I've spent enough time with them to know that the love, passion, and respect they have for one another is genuine. It's the relationship I long to have, full of laughter, dining out, activity and travel. They've restored my faith that marriage doesn't HAVE to be boring and dull.
At the same time, I do cherish my freedoms. Many of my friends who are single moms told me that they were jealous of my ability to pick up and move to Florida on a whim. Some married friends tell me to enjoy my freedom to make random - and sometimes stupid - decisions (and purchases like Manolo Blahniks) without having to consult with anyone or hide my bags when I get home. I wanted to wait until I was betrothed to purchase a home, but developed a "why wait?" mentality instead. As Royster told me way back when, I have so many years left ahead of me (God-willing) to enjoy the fruits of matrimony. Once these 20- 30- somethings are gone, you never get them back. I look forward to walking down the aisle, having kids, etc....but, in hindsight, I am glad I didn't settle down earlier. I look at the things I've experienced in my 20s and am thankful for them, both good and bad. I'm excited to see what the future holds, now that most of my individual goals have now been met (I just need to get myself overseas...)
With that said: to those in relationships, Happy Valentine's Day. To those who are not: Happy Singles' Solidarity Day. :)
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2 comments:
You're very right. Being single is a blessing and an annoyance. Men have more choices because there are more of us than their are of them. Unlike you I have very few friends who are happily married. I always assumed they were, but in recent years have found that these young people in their 20's and 30's have been miserable lately.
I'm all for marriage, I hope to find a great guy that I can have true love and companionship with. But all that's staring me in the face are couples who are unhappy, one or both has changed, withholding sex or just uninterested. I don't know what I would do if I married someone I loved intensely who checked out of the marriage. More than ever I'm glad to be single and considering staying that way.
Carla
I have read your blog and I must say it is very interesting the insight you have regarding life, love, and how it all works in His will. I found your blog because of your admiration for the Marvin Winans Jr. CD "Image of a Man" I love this CD and haven't stopped listening to it yet. Anyway Brain Drain is awesome. I have a blog myself and would be honored if you read and commented on my thoughts. Thanks - Keith
http://erraticjourney.blogspot.com/
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