A Few Thoughts

My mind is swirling today and has led me back to this long-neglected blog. This joint has been a ghost town for almost two years, so I'm pretty confident that at this point, I'll be talking to myself. That will have to do.

So much has happened in the past 20 months, the biggest development being that I am now married! Unbelievably, the one who was chronically single for years and wondered if it would EVER happen for her (that would be me, people) is now a wife. Sometimes I can't believe it myself!

Now you're caught up. Onto my thoughts for today....

...which, actually, can be tied to my prior announcement, considering that we spent the majority of 2011 planning our destination wedding. I've been spending much of this afternoon looking at TheNest.com because, if you didn't know this already, once you register on TheKnot.com and actually GET married, you are automatically "referred" to The Nest. Nice. I stumbled across a couple of articles about "Maintaining Friendships after Marriage" and "How To Know if You're a Good Friend", which then let me to "8 Types of Toxic Friends", which then led me to message boards about friendships within marriage, and in general. Following me here? I hope so.

What resonated with me the most is the shared experiences I have had with many of the women who were posting comments on these articles and boards. Ever since my DH (dear Husband) found his way to Florida in mid-2010, I have felt as if my social life was dwindling. Florida can be an interesting place to live, in that it's a beautiful state with plenty of things to do, but sometimes finding the right set of people to do those things with can be a challenge. That was our struggle. Sure, I had my friends from my single days who all took kindly to my (at the time) BF, but they weren't HIS friends. I ended up having a MAJOR falling out with the one half of the couple that I thought we'd be spending the majority of our time with, a fallout that never quite fixed itself, even after hashing it all out in a long conversation. As a result, I, as many of the female posters, began to feel a bit socially isolated. And now that I'm married? Forgetaboutit.

The wedding planning process was eye-opening. There have been people in my life who I had considered friends up until this process began. We hung out, laughed, shared personal experiences with one another. They'd call me when they needed support, and vice versa. Some were people I worked with, others friends from back in the day. One by one, true colors began to emerge and showed me that, really, not everyone is as down for you as I you would like to think.

It amazes me how some find it SO difficult to celebrate another person. To extract himself (or, mostly HERself) from their present situation to be present for someone else. I think about the number of times I've had to do that, and it boggles my mind. It's frustrating when someone is unable to do the same for you. I was thinking about the number of people who stated they WANTED to come to the wedding, but couldn't due to money or the need to travel...yet never sent a gift. That's amazing to me. I'm not greedy but dang, it would've been a nice gesture.

Some attribute this type of behavior to jealousy, which came up several times in the material I was reading today. I've never been the type to be like "that heffa is JEALOUS of ME", because I know how that comes off and don't want to be that girl. I will readily admit that there have been times when I've been jealous of people I know; in fact, I attended a wedding in 2004 that was so amazing and beautiful and awesome that I don't know how my green-eyed monster was able to keep still (not to mention, I was pathetically single at the time and it was the 5th wedding I had attended that year). But, because I know the other side (BEING jealous), I know what to look for in others. People can conceal it so brilliantly too.

Case in Point: Officemate Bridezilla. This was someone I once considered a friend, even outside of work. I helped her get the job she currently holds, because I thought she'd be great at it (which she is) and wanted to see her more. The day I returned to work and announced my engagement (he proposed 12/30/10, we were back to work on 1/2/11), she informed us that HER boyfriend had spoken to her father and asked him for HER hand in marriage. While my (at the time) fiance and I were beginning to exciting process of planning our wedding and sharing our good news with other friends, she decided that she would start planning her wedding as well. Although it seemed odd because she wasn't engaged, we (in the office) were game...at first. She began putting down wedding deposits, getting extra loud with people on the phone, reserving her DJ..all without a ring. Her planning became so central to everything happening in the office that mine was diminished. I felt shut down. I could not discuss any details of my wedding without her comparing it to what SHE was doing.

Finally, almost two months later, her boyfriend proposed and they planned to marry one month after me. Things in that office went from mildly tense to unbearable. This may all be coincidence, but she chose a wedding dress by the same designer as mine. Her engagement ring came from the same store as mine. She ordered her save-the-dates from the same vendor. At this point, I was not discussing my wedding plans at ALL, unless she had left the room. It was a competetion. I later learned that I was being discussed when I was absent from the office; excited conversation would cease amongst the other girls when I returned. I almost felt bullied and hated coming to work. I still planned to invite her to the wedding because of the prior friendship we had; she never acknowledged receiving the save-the-date OR the invitation. Never. Never had anything kind to say about our engagement photos or any of our plans. Never expressed an intent to come; she didn't RSVP to the wedding until I created a separate group to reach out to those who hadn't replied. And I shared an OFFICE with the broad. Her response: Declined.

The straw that broke the camel's back came around my bridal shower. I had two showers; my private shower for invited wedding guests (to which she was invited), and a work shower. She never once acknowledged the planning or invitation to the private shower. And, once my co-workers decided to throw me a work shower and called me first (because my wedding was first), she lost her S@$T. Of course, not to me. But to everyone else who would listen...which, of course, got back to me. When they called and offered her a shower 10 minutes later, she declined. The next day, she and I were alone in the office and after her refusing to speak to me the entire day, I finally turned to her and said "do you have an issue with me? I need you to let me know if you do". She denied it, saying that she was "stressed over her wedding" and encouraging me " not to take it personally". That was that. The next day was my private shower, which she did not attend. In fact, when I returned to work on Monday, she not only ignored the fact that I even HAD a shower, but made to point to excitedly ask our other officemate about her recent vacation.

I was through. I emailed my boss and asked her to get me out of that office, and moved two days later. I deleted and blocked her and her close girlfriends from my Facebook page. I returned her RSVP (because yes, after all this she invited me to her wedding) and stated we would not be in attendance. I got married in November and it was beautiful. Just beautiful. I returned to work to a slew of congratulatory messages - except from her. To this day, I only exchange pleasantries with her. With friends like THIS, who needs enemies?

I told this ridiculously long story as an illustration of how people's true colors tend to emerge. Her example is the extreme; it's bad to say, but I would've expected this terrible behavior from a miserably single person who was trying to sabotage my happiness, NOT someone I once considered a friend who was having a shared experience! My absolute BEST FRIEND got married 6 months before I did, and never ONCE did I feel a spirit of competition with her. I stood in her awesome wedding, she stood in mine. I made a point to be at her pre-wedding activities, and she did the same for me. THAT is friendship. That's how it's supposed to be. I'm grateful for her example to help me weed the "real folks" from the evil in my life.

Saying all this to say, my circle of friends has dramatically shrunk in the past year. It makes me a little sad at times, because I genuinely had good experiences with these people. But sometimes you have to move on, especially when that person is doing more harm than good. Life is too short to dwell on those who suck life from you. The wedding reminded us of those in our lives who are AMAZING, TRUE friends and I wish they would ALL move to Florida! :)

My prayer is that the Lord would bless my husband and me with a genuine group of people who we can laugh with, spend time with, and trust. We already have a few people like that, for whom we are thankful. Can't hurt to have more. :)

Some REAL Foolishness

I think I can now safely say that I am a reality TV junkie. Before, I allowed myself access to a few reality shows here and there, feeling justified because the shows were wildly popular among the Nielsen ratings folks. “Amazing Race” was and is my all-time favorite program, and I recently gave up on “ANTM” and “American Idol”. But now those latter two shows have been replaced with a smorgasbord of foolishness. (confession: I did allow myself “Flavor of Love” - both seasons and “I Love New York” – both seasons). My DVR is working overtime to keep up with my bad habit, for which I am thankful. I do know that there are some people that are worse, but considering where I was not even a few months ago, I feel much shame! For my own entertainment and perhaps enlightenment, I feel compelled to detail what is so cracktastic about all of my shows.

First of all, I must say that VH-1 is the devil incarnate. There is something about their shows that suck me in. I’m all up in their shows; I think I watch more shows on VH-1 than on any other channel. And here’s why:

“Tough Love” and “Tough Love: Couples”: So I totally love Steve Ward! The dude is no-holds barred. The first two “Tough Love” seasons were pretty good, but once he started focusing on the couples, I got seriously hooked. Some of the issues that the couples are dealing with – trust issues, lack of sex life, poor communication – are real-life problems and some of the advice that Steve gives is helpful. But, mostly, the show is great entertainment. I find myself sitting there wondering who is gonna make it and who is gonna call it quits. We don’t find out until the end of the season. I also like that, in spite of them living in a mansion together and having weekly “challenges”, no one is eliminated or voted off. They’re there to complete the boot camp. And I’m totally tuning in every week!

“Brandy & Ray J: A Family Business”: Truly I do not understand why I’m so into this show. I guess, having a brother of my own, the relationship between the two siblings is interesting…even if I’m not a Grammy-winning R&B star and my brother hasn’t had two dating reality shows. I am quietly cheering on Brandy’s comeback, which must begin with her abandoning her current hair-affair and finding something that does not involve babyhair and lacefronts.

“What Chilli Wants”: Have mercy, I thought I was picky! Watching Chilli try to find a man with this mess of a matchmaker is both compelling and painful. I want to shake her at times to tell her that she’s out of her mind, but then I feel badly for her at times (see this past week’s episode with Floyd in Vegas). I dunno, I hope she finds what she wants.

“Basketball Wives”: I watch this purely for the trainwreckiness of it. I’ve dubbed Evelyn and Jennifer “Evilene” and “Evermean”, one because they are and two, because references to “The Wiz” are fun. At any rate, the amount of delusional thinking, self-aggrandizing and overall snobbiness in this show makes it impossible to turn off – at least for me, anyway. I enjoy watching them just to talk about them on Twitter or read about them on message boards. Wealth does a lady not make. I hope by watching themselves on tv, they'll gain some insight. (#unlikely)

Right behind VH-1 come WE and TLC (it’s a tie) for all of their wedding shows. And I mean, ALL of their wedding shows. Sure, wedding planning is on my mind, but I’m not engaged. (lol) Still, I cannot turn away and cannot stop my DVR from taping all of the wonderfulness!

“My Fair Wedding by David Tutera”: by far my favorite wedding show. I just want to kidnap David Tutera and make him plan my wedding, when the time comes. I love how he comes in and completely kills the wedding design, because you know his designs are gonna much more faaabulous and much more expensive. I could never afford to hire the guy (weddings in his design collection at Disney World start at $60,000…don’t ask how I know that)…so whenever I am engaged, he needs to watch his back! Lol

“Say Yes to the Dress”: Who spends $11,000 on a wedding gown? Clearly, this happens, and Kleinfeld’s in NYC is the place to go to do it. I just shake my head at the amount of money these women spend on their gowns, but enjoy the drama that goes down in the shop. Plus the new season just started, so let the fun begin!

“Bridezillas”: Usually pisses me off more than anything, makes me question how much of this is being played off for the camera because 1) I refuse to believe that these women will act THIS crazy and 2) I cannot understand how the grooms go through with the ceremony after all of the bipolar manic hijinks that these brides get into. Foolishness.

“Four Weddings”: Just got into this one last week. Basically, four brides who already have planned their weddings attend each other’s ceremonies and rate the overall experience, including her dress, food and venue. The winner wins a fabulous honeymoon. It’s just interesting to see how different the brides’ visions are, what works and what doesn’t. Plus it’s super entertaining! I’ll be sticking with this one.

“Platinum Weddings”: Excess to the extreme. I’ve seen some fabulous ceremonies – the one in Mexico in the cave stands out, but seriously, spending $500,000+ on a wedding is just stupid. I can only watch this in doses.

“Rich Bride, Poor Bride”: This one is cool cuz it deals with the actual cost of weddings, what can drive people over budget, and even exposes some of the Groomzillas that exist out there. Lol. Fun times.

Not that I need approval or validation from others, but am I the only one addicted to this craziness??

LDR Realities:The Phone

Wow, has it really been 6 months since I posted up in here? Eek! Well, I made a promise to myself (and Facebook, for those who cared) that I would start writing again, so here I am. I'll be volleying back and forth between this site -- which is more open for public perusal, and the other one -- which is where I am more free to vent about personal stuff, as needed.

Those who have known me awhile are aware -- or not -- that when I first went back to school to get my Masters, I wanted to focus on relationship counseling. My career has not really led me in that direction, but has not squashed my interest in interpersonal relationships, especially those of the romantic sort. There's this new show on VH-1, "Tough Love: Couples", that has become my new crack. It's just fascinating to me. And although I'm no expert on the topic, I'm now six months into the most grown-up relationship I've ever had -- long distance on top of everything else -- so I feel that I have some quality opinions to add to to the topic. Maybe. I don't plan for this to turn into the "She Knows Everything about Love"blog, because CLEARLY I don't, but sharing my observations can be fun...and perhaps anyone who stumbles across this page will have something to add.

My friend from college had written an interesting blog a few weeks back about how much she boos upon long-distance relationships, with good reason. Was this the ideal situation for me? Not at all. Is he worth it? Absolutely. But, we continue to bump heads around an essential tool that I've had issues with for many years: the telephone.

Now, I've been on the other end of this spectrum. As my girl Kat and I discussed on Saturday, we've encountered the brothas who believe in "textual relationships". My man is not cut of this fabric. He will text during work as necessary,but also steals moments to call and say "I just wanted to hear your voice". Those things are sweet and endearing. They always make me smile. So, my issues do not stem from this. No, my issues come after a long day at work. He is one hour behind me (Eastern Standard versus Central), so when I get home, I go straight into veg mode. I mean, peel off the work clothes, put on my play clothes, walk the dog, turn on the TV veg mode. By the time I'm good and comfortable, he calls. We work in similar fields, but we deal with our workdays differently -- I leave work AT work, while he likes to process his day with me. Sometimes that takes 5 minutes, sometimes it takes 20. Unfortunately, I have an attention span of a gnat (and am not afraid to admit it!). So at minute marker 10, I'm disengaged. This boils down to the basic problem I've had with friends who are less understand of who I am: I am not a phone person. I am a direct communicator, or so says the communication style assessment I took last month. Meaning, I am a "get to the point, no need to illustrate the story" type person. He, on the other hand, is an illustrative and detailed storyteller. I tend to stay on the phone even when I don't have anything to say or contribute to the conversation.

Fortunately, I took this assessment with him and we were able to identify our differences. Yeah..great. So now what? It's one thing to know information; the important part is, what do you do with this new information?

We've resolved it like this - when I know I'm distracted, like watching something on TV or reading...whatever, I'll get off of the phone. As simple as that sounds, when you only see someone once a month, every moment matters. Or, at least you convince yourself that it does. So, we've been learning as we grow that we do have lives and interests outside of each other and pursuing those is not a slight against our relationship. Balance, people.

We'll always talk enough to see what kind of day the other is having, hopefully all is well and if we need to talk later, we will. If we have the time and desire to sit on the phone for a couple of hours, we do that. Either way, we make sure that the other is happy. Nothing replaces physically being together in the same room, but with this current situation, we'll take what we can get.

M.I.A.

So, not only have I been negligent of my blogging "responsibilities", I've also been neglecting some of my buddies. I've been fussed at so much this past week that I'm trying to reach out and make amends, with folk, while updating people on what's been going on.

I've been doing my fair share of traveling this month, as anyone on Facebook can tell you. I traveled to Los Angeles during the first/second week of October to visit my brother and meet my future sister-in-law. My "quasi-excitement" about the trip dissipated the moment I arrived. Devon, my future-SIL, took good care of me when my brother was busy with school or work. She and I went shopping, out to eat, talked wedding stuff. It was great. The three of us went to Six Flags Magic Mountain on that Friday, and had a freakin' blast. First of all, the park was essentially empty. The longest line we stood in was 45 minutes for the Deja Vu. The park had sooooo many coasters, and I later learned that this particular park is in a constant battle with Cedar Point for the title of "most roller coasters". I believe Magic Mountain surpassed CP this year with the opening of their wooden "Terminator:Salvation" ride. Intense. The scariest thing I've ever ridden, the X2, was the culmination of our day. Never have I ridden a contraption that sent me uphill on my back,hanging off the side of the track, and flipped me continuously throughout the ride. OMG that mug was SCARY, but FUN! In terms of celebrity sightings, I only saw Fabio and Tiny "Zeus" Lister during my time there. I never see, like, Will Smith. Always the randoms.

Another trip I just returned from was a weekend trip to Dallas to visit my friend Jocelyn, her hubby Courtney, and to attend her son's first birthday party. (Note to self: upload the pics!) Another of my friends from back in the day, Kim, joined us from New Jersey, along with Jocelyn's parents from Cleveland. I don't think I've ever gone out of town and not spent a dime. We spent the ENTIRE weekend in the house, from prepping for the party to hanging out in the "man cave" to having an impromptu worship service at the house. It was really nice to see my friends again (I hadn't seen Kim in three years) and catch up. It was a nice getaway and although I was a little hesitant to go at first, I'm glad I had a chance to take the trip.

As a result of these two, I had to cancel another trip to Atlanta that I was supposed to take this weekend for Kat's birthday party. Sucks rocks. I am planning to go to Chicago right before Thanksgiving, and of course there is the big family cruise in December.

I also closed my Twitter account earlier this month. It just made no sense to me. I understood using it in an attempt to keep up with folk, but it became more of a nuisance to check than fun to use. So, I said good-bye.

Last but certainly not least, my biggest distraction this month has been HIM. This still isn't "Facebook Public" and most of my friends aren't aware yet, but I am now....finally....after 10 long years....in a relationship! I'm dating someone that I've known for 9 years and had some past romantic involvement with, effective October 23rd. Although it's new -- we've only been officially together for two weeks -- our long-term close friendship and our dating history has made this all VERY easy. The hardest part,though? It's long distance. It's never easy. He lives in Chicago and I'm here. He came down to see me a few weeks ago, which is when we made our relationship official, and I'm going to go see him in a couple weeks. (I gotta find my winter coat). It's exciting because I know, without a shadow of a single doubt, that this is the man I am going to marry. I'm not being spooky, I just know this. We've talked about it. Where/when/how many guests etc. We've talked about kids. I've known him so long that nothing surprises me. I've met his parents and he's met mine (it was years ago, but still). My folks remember him and vice versa. And we are crazy about each other. It's so nice to finally have reciprocated love, y'all. This is such a foreign concept to me. He's working very hard on getting himself moved to Tampa, praying for a job opportunity to open up to make that happen. At any rate, much of my incognito-ness(?) lately has been due to long long phone conversations in the evenings. Thank the LORD for AT&T's A-list, because all of those calls are now FREE. AT&T FTW! So, keep us in your prayers....ya girl is happy and there is a man involved!

We Are Family?

Super-long hiatus, but I'm back. Seriously -- I don't do the things I used to enjoy so much (writing, dancing, etc), so I need to start getting it together. I'm trying. I'm blogging on Xanga weekly, and I'll try to do so here.

I was compelled to return to this blog site to discuss the experience I had in Orlando on Friday and Saturday. But before I do, let me add this disclaimer: my negative feelings have absolutely nothing to do with my beloved Maxwell himself, who I had the pleasure of seeing live for the second time this summer. He performed beautifully as always. No, my issue came about the event itself.

Okay. The Tom Joyner Family Reunion has been held in Orlando for the past six or so years. The package price to the event, which includes lodging, concert tickets, park tickets, etc start in the upper 100's and go up to the thousands, depending on size of your tribe. Being that I live in Tampa, I did not see the need to purchase a package deal, especially when they were selling tickets to individual events. Now, I had seen Maxwell perform live in a much smaller venue in Clearwater, FL on July 30th, so when I saw he was returning to the area in September, I wasn't completely pressed. I had excellent seats to the July show and Maxwell waved at me, so I was (almost) satisfied. *wink* However, I told my girl - who missed the July show - all about it and she wanted to go, so I told her I'd go again and make a mini-weekend out of it.

She graciously purchased the ticket, which was $65 once you added taxes and fees, and I paid her back for it. We learned at that time that the concert was general admission, and the ticket said the show started at 9. The general admission thing had me worried, but the seating chart on the website made it appear that it would be almost banquet like, with circular tables and such.

I had to work on Friday, so I was rushing like crazy. The girls had already checked into the hotel,and I finally arrived at 7:45. We also learned earlier that day that the doors to the concert didn't open until 9 (show start time unknown), so we figured we had time. But not much...after I got dressed in a flash, we left the hotel at 8:30 to go to the Gaylord.

We got there and parked, and saw a line of black folks that was long, but not ridiculous. However, once we got IN the line, we learned that it snaked throughout the bottom floor of the hotel, with the venue being one story up. :-/ We were way in the back of the line, but there were a LOT of people still behind us. While in line, we also learned that the venue held 5,000 people. Once they finally opened the doors at nine, we slowly walked our way through the hotel, and in 20 minutes, we got to the venue. It wasn't even a real concert hall; it was like a gigantic ballroom with rows and rows of seats set up. By the time we got in there, we had no choice but to sit towards the back. The stage was soooooo far away. We weren't worried; there were two large screens on each side of the stage and we knew we'd get a view then. Maxwell took the take the stage at 10:30 and would you know, THEY NEVER TURNED THE SCREENS ON!!! People were sooo mad, my friends included. We couldn't stand the whole show since the seats weren't stadium seating....out of courtesy, we remained seated most of the show. (Although I HAD to jump up when he went into "Til the Cops Come Knockin'"...LOVE IT). I was honestly sooooo glad I saw him in Clearwater, because all of the intimacy of that show was lost in this particular venue. Of course it was sensual, but it wasn't the same because we couldn't see his face and see what he was doing. Boo. My Maxwell love forever reigns, but next time I plan to be in an assigned seat in a small venue. Thank you.

Let me just add, the experience didn't completely sour everything. My girls - self included - continued to drool over Maxwell for the next two days, even though our seats were 12 miles away from the stage.

After the show, we were too hungry to stay for Tom's afterparty and went to IHOP instead. Two of us went to Sea World the next day, where my girl had heard that Tom was having a Family Reunion BBQ. Apparently he invited everyone in radioland, but when we arrived we found out that you had to have a special bracelet to get into his special viewing of Shamu's Believe show and the BBQ. WTF. About midday, I turned to my girl and asked, "has anyone from the family reunion spoken to you? At ALL?". She told me, "nope". Me neither. The people we encountered, and it was a lot of them, especially at Sea World, were not very friendly. They just walked by without speaking, even when you acknowledged them with a headnod and smile. Or an actual hello. In fact, one man - so irate that he was in the wrong location for the BBQ with his "fat pockets" and ability to eat whatever he wanted (don't ask) - hit me with his stuffed Shamu toy while trying to leave the queue line. And I couldn't get so much as an "excuse me". It seriously turned me off from attending any other TJMS events, which sucks. Becuase Tom's event at the Florida Aquarium for the National Assn of Black Journalists was really nice.

I don't know, maybe I shouldn't let this turn me off, but I paid good money for that concert and I'm glad I didn't pay for the others. I imagined it would be better organized. And that people would be warmer. I know that this is one family reunion that made me feel like an outsider. Boo.

Rest in Peace, King of Pop

I originally wrote this post on another blogging site in 2005. This loss has hit me harder than I ever would've thought. Even when I was younger, I would dread the day Michael left us. In my mind, I'd be a much older woman when it happened, so for this to occur at the mere age of 30 (for him, age 50) is unfathomable. I'm grieving like he was a family member. In many ways, he was. People don't understand it, but there is comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one this rocked by Michael's death. His music will live on.

Michael Joseph Jackson
August 29, 1958 - June 25, 2009

The Evolution of a Fan

Jan 2005


I watched the "48 Hours Mystery" on Michael Jackson on Saturday night
and it got me to thinking about the years I spent as a Michael devotee.
I can't pinpoint when, where or how it started but as long as I can
remember, I was Michael Jackson crazy. Unlike many people here on
Xanga, I was actually alive when both Off the Wall and Thriller were
released, although I wasn't even school-aged yet. My parents bought my
brother and me matching "Beat It" jackets with all the zippers. We had

Thriller on vinyl - yeah we did! - and my brother and I used to play it in
the basement all the time. Then, he suddenly got into Prince, and the
Michael vs. Prince debate became a constant in my home. This lasted
until I was in high school, when I finally conceded that yes, Prince is
off the hook. I remember Michael coming to Cleveland on the Bad Tour,
and my parents wouldn't take me. I just had to watch my copy of
"Moonwalker" and like it. Receive it Carla, you will not be going to the concert. I'm still bitter about that, since
I've never seen him perform live and the way things are looking, I
never will.






I hit the seventh grade in 1991, right around the time Dangerous was
released, and I don't know what happened. I became a fanatic. We were
all entering puberty...everyone else was starting to date, but since I
was a goof, Michael Jackson became my new fake boyfriend. My other
goofy friends and I formed our own little clique founded on our
devotion to Michael. While I was in eighth grade "The Jacksons: An
American Dream" miniseries debuted on ABC. It was over. My corny friends
and I had the movie memorized in a matter of months. We had viewing
parties. We celebrated Michael's birthday. For my 13th birthday, I
received a life-size cut out of MJ's pic on his Bad CD. I wrote letters
to his fan club, and received a autographed pic written out to me. My
brother and I used to box anytime he made a negative comment about
Mike. I got offended at the jokes, so I got picked on a lot. Yeah, it
was bad. I was a fan obsessed.



<----Look, it's on sale



I got to high school and suddenly, it was no longer cool to be part of
the Michael Jackson clique. We disbanded, and suddenly the interest
went from celebrities to real life boys. I was still a loyal supporter
- I bought HIStory the day it was released - but my priorities had
shifted. This was either during or right after the first set of child
molestation allegations, and dude I had Michael's BACK. Don't nobody
say nothin' bad about Michael! I even bought the Blood on
the Dance Floor cd to show my Mike support.











Then the shift happened. Maybe I just grew up. Grew out of it. I can't
pinpoint when it happened, but I realized it when Invincible
was
released and I didn't buy it. That was huge..me? Not buying a Michael
Jackson CD? I still don't own it to this day. (although "Butterflies"
is the JAM). I've been guilty of laughing at Michael Jackson jokes. I
can now admit that his appearance is out of hand. My heart breaks
whenever I see a current picture of him. What drove him to destroy his
face like that?



<-----This is on sale too. Maybe I should buy it



And now, here we are on the eve of his big trial, and I don't know what
to think. It's hard for me to believe that he could've actually
molested these kids, but I haven't heard the evidence against him yet.
I think it was definite and serious lapse of judgment to have these
kids in his house/in his bed if he is innocent. Hello, McFly? Welcome
to the real world. At the end of the" 48 hrs" program, there was a
graphic that said that if Mike is convicted on all counts, he could
spent 20+ years in prision! :Shocked: That hit me hard..Michael Jackson
in jail? Geez...I guess we'll see what happens in due time.


Addendum: June 27, 2009

Thank God he was found not guilty. I still to this day don't believe he did anything wrong. Poor judgment, yes? But I never saw Michael Jackson as a manipulative pedophile. I saw him as a troubled man who never had a proper upbringing, and therefore, had stunted emotional development. I loved him with all my heart, as if I knew him, and was longing for an opportunity to see him perform live. It's heartbreaking that I'll never have that chance. My heart aches for his family, for him to be the first one to pass away. I pray that the media is respectful of the family and his legacy.

Rest in peace, Michael.

Thirty and Fabulous!!

It's been a minute since I've written here. Almost three months; wow. Much has been happening in the life of me....most prominently, I've begun working with the federal government at the Tampa VA Hospital. I've been there a little bit more than a month, and I'm enjoying the job thus far. Nevermind the pay raise - which is nice :) - but the work itself is better than my former job. My patient list never goes over 24, versus the 60-80 some patients I used to be responsible for assisting. The nuts and bolts of the job are the same (discharge planning and counseling), but having less patients allows for more time with each one. And I enjoy working with the veterans. These guys sacrificed their lives in order to make this country a safer place, and many of them have fascinating stories. Loving the new gig.

I also got a new car last month. The old one had some time left on it, but the cost of maintaining it was becoming more than a notion. So I traded it in after 8 years and got a 2007 Camry. It's a larger car and is in this funky aqua-green color. I love the car but not looking forward to my first car note in 4 years.



Finally, I hit a milestone: I turned 30 years old on April 28th! I can't believe I'm actually 30!!! It feels good at the moment, but it's also very new. I've stepped up my nutrition/exercise regime....I want to keep everything tight as I get older! My birthday celebration was a blast; my girls came down from Tallahassee and I also celebrated with my girls here in Tampa. Dinner, movies, shopping, pampering, comedy show and a night of dancing. On my actual birthday, I went to Magic Kingdom with another of my girls. A total blast; what a great way to ring in 30! The party continues in two weeks as I travel to Chicago to party with my girls Jynnifer and Maya for THEIR 30th birthdays. Can't wait, I haven't been to the CHI in four years!

Hello 30!!!!

Words of Wisdom

"You are better off being single, wishing to be married, than to be married wishing you were single again. You have the rest of your life to be married; enjoy the few years you have of being single" - E. Royster Harper

My former employer uttered those words to me almost seven years ago, and they have stuck with me since. With the imminent approach of Valentine's Day, there is no time like the present to reflect on the blessings of singlehood -- and lament over the lack of consistent companionship.

A very close friend of mine is in a situation he wishes to escape. Married five years ago at the age 24, he is beginning to feel that he rushed into matrimony and is contemplating next steps. He acknowledges feeling envious of my freedom as a single and childless woman, and has found himself in an unfulfilling marriage (no kids). I don't know what to say. As the single woman who desires a companion, I encourage him to appreciate the fact that he has found love. I tell him how difficult it is to be single out here...but, maybe that experience is different for single men than it is for women. I know plenty of married women who say that they do not envy me and my current relationship status. Thanks -- that's comforting.

On the flip side, the majority of my friends are (ostensibly) happy. Two of my closest friends here in Florida have been married for over 6 years and are blissful. I've spent enough time with them to know that the love, passion, and respect they have for one another is genuine. It's the relationship I long to have, full of laughter, dining out, activity and travel. They've restored my faith that marriage doesn't HAVE to be boring and dull.

At the same time, I do cherish my freedoms. Many of my friends who are single moms told me that they were jealous of my ability to pick up and move to Florida on a whim. Some married friends tell me to enjoy my freedom to make random - and sometimes stupid - decisions (and purchases like Manolo Blahniks) without having to consult with anyone or hide my bags when I get home. I wanted to wait until I was betrothed to purchase a home, but developed a "why wait?" mentality instead. As Royster told me way back when, I have so many years left ahead of me (God-willing) to enjoy the fruits of matrimony. Once these 20- 30- somethings are gone, you never get them back. I look forward to walking down the aisle, having kids, etc....but, in hindsight, I am glad I didn't settle down earlier. I look at the things I've experienced in my 20s and am thankful for them, both good and bad. I'm excited to see what the future holds, now that most of my individual goals have now been met (I just need to get myself overseas...)

With that said: to those in relationships, Happy Valentine's Day. To those who are not: Happy Singles' Solidarity Day. :)

Addicted

"Hello, my name is Carla and I am addicted to social networking"

It's bad y'all. Facebook is going to be my downfall. I cannot understand WHY it's so addictive, or why I cannot stay off of that site. It's a compulsion. The only comfort I get is knowing that I am not alone in my addiction.

When I joined Facebook in 2004, I thought it was stupid. I didn't understand what was so attractive about its simplicity. At the time, it was only open to college students -- people I saw regularly, since I still lived in Ann Arbor. You had a profile, a picture and that was it. Stupid.

Shortly thereafter, they incorporated the ability to post pictures. I believe that this is when I officially became addicted. Not to mention, I had moved to Ohio at this point and it was a good way to stay in touch with my Michigan folks -- and people from other colleges. Simultaneously, my brother invited me to join MySpace and I found myself on there ALL of the TIME. Facebook..afterthought. MySpace addiction continued for awhile, and I contemplated deleting my Facebook account several times.

However, at this point it was open for anyone to join. People I hadn't seen or heard from in YEARS suddenly started sending me friend requests. Preschool friends, elementary and high school acquaintences, ex-boyfriends and the like, friends from Detroit, etc. And because talking on the phone is one of my largest deficiencies, this became a wonderful way to stay in touch with people and get updated on their lives. Another attractive perk was the ability to find friends when I was going on vacation. For example, I went to Los Angeles in 2006, and thanks to Facebook, I linked up with my college friend Eddie for a wonderful night of salsa dancing.

The more people that joined and added me, the more I felt compelled to visit the site and see what was going on. Eventually, the Facebook devils added the "notifications", "chat", "status updates" and then the ability to comment on one's status update. After that, I was done. Today, I find myself checking Facebook every few minutes. Thanks to my iPhone, I almost unconsciously tap the Facebook app and look for a little red notification dot. And, as confident as I am with my new beau situation, I catch myself looking at his page for any females trying to push up on him. (lol, *smh*). Facebook can get you into trouble.

It's funny because just this week I've had three phone conversations....about Facebook. It's really changed the face of modern communication. How much you learn about others. I find I can't tell stories anymore, because people already know my isht from my compulsive status updates. (lol)

They're going to need to come up with a 12-Step Program for Facebookers who can't break the habit. Sign me up.

Happy New Year!

Hellllooo 2009!!!! Looking forward to big things in the upcoming year. 2008 was a fantastic year for me personally and professionally, with many positives and very very few negatives. In retrospect:

In 2008...

...Nobody close to me passed away.

....I finally had the opportunity to date my "Dream Man", which turned out to be a disappointment. As some dreams are, when they become reality. lol

...I attempted to enter two long-distance relationships, neither of which worked out. And for that, I'm grateful.

...I finally settled in on a church home

...I went on two cruises, developed a massive crush on the cruise director, and played The Amazing Race in Cozumel. Amazing.

...Won a free trip to Las Vegas

...Two dear friends were married and two of my hometown girls had babies

...I adopted Cha Cha and learned first-hand the rigors of being a pet owner

...I closed on my first home, something I hadn't been planning on even in early October

...I grew very close to The Boos, as they are now known, and they became my Tampa BFFs

...I began dating an amazing man, who makes me smile at the mere thought of him

...I officially became addicted to Facebook (lol)

...And lastly, I survived long enough to see the first black President elected to office!

I can't wait to see what 2009 has in store. Topping 2008 will be a tall order, but I'm believing God to make it happen!!

All Moved In

Moving is a pain in my left butt cheek, but it's done. I have signed my name to the dotted lines..and there were many lines...and I now own my first home. It's nuckin' futs, I tell you. It hasn't sunken in yet, that this place is MINE. There is so much more space than I'm used to, and for the first time ever, I have extra bedrooms! God is sooooo good. I plan to write something more succinct in due time, but for now I just wanted to check in and testify! :)

I pray whoever reads this has a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

It's Almost been a MONTH?!?

Wow, I have fallen off of the blogging tip, big time. My life is crazy right now. Not in a bad way, yet crazy enough to neglect my beloved blogspot. Good news is, I am closing on my townhouse this Friday and I move on Saturday. I've been packing, packing, packing. Trying to get everything switched over (I'm on hold with Brighthouse now...they seem to think it wise to schedule my cable appointment at the same time I'll be moving. Um, no.)

With all that's going on, I've had a difficult time getting into the Christmas spirit. I bought a couple of gifts, but nothing extravagant. I get on a plane to Cleveland on Christmas morning, and will then travel to Pittsburgh, DC, Richmond and Virginia Beach. In the course of four days. This is how I roll. I just hate I won't have much time to get settled in my new digs. I wanted to get started on some painting, but I guess that will have to wait until the new year.

I'll try to do better about updating. I'm sure my life as a new homeowner will be much more interesting. Let's hope.

Can't Help It

I'm a believer that people carry something that either attracts them to or repels them from others. Some call it an aura, some call it a spirit, some call it a vibe. Whatever it may be, I feel that I'm extremely sensitive to it. It's fascinating; from the moment I meet a person, I can know whether or not I will want to be this person's friend or not. It's not foolproof - sometimes I'm turned off by people who turn out to be cool, or am just all out confused about if I want to be around him/her - but when it's on, it's powerful.

Example/inspiration for this post: This past Wednesday night, I was out with my friends at Jackson's. They met this guy last week at another event, and he was in the house Wednesday night. From the moment I was introduced, I wanted to run the other way. I don't know why. I can't explain it. He kept coming back over and joking with my friends, and I would shut down and withdraw everytime he came back. He kept trying to joke with me, and I looked at him like "you don't know me, don't even try it". Eventually, he left me alone. He knew I wasn't havin' it. My friend was like, "wow, you REALLY don't like him!". I told him that his vibe was just all wrong.

Another example. While working in Cleveland, the charge nurse on my floor wanted to hook me up with this cop. He came to the hospital daily to pick up lunch for the prisoners at the local lockup, and he was a younger, attractive guy. I talked to him a few times and we exchanged numbers. We talked on the phone, and it was the most RANDOM conversation I've ever had. It was borderline creepy. After that, I wasn't interested. I'd see him at work all of the time and, like the other guy, just wanted to run the other direction. I even started dodging him. A few months ago, my friend called me and told me that Creepy Cop had been arrested for raping a female prisoner.

On the flip side, there are some people I meet and like immediately. It takes no coercion, no "getting to know you"...I just like them from the start. And those people tend to remain long-term friends, as they continue to prove why I thought he/she was so awesome in the first place.

As for the Questionables - I've met a few here in Florida. There are two people I can think of off the top of my head, both females, that give me a love/hate vibe. At some points, she's completely awesome and I'm glad to be around her, and in the next minute I am completely turned off/pushed away by something she said or did. I know this makes me sound bipolar, but I promise I'm not! I keep my distance from both of these females as a result of this. Again, I can't put my finger on it...they just irk me in a remarkable way and I don't know why.

Tagged by Tosha

I stole the pic too. lol


1. I overuse the word "random". It's awful. I believe this started when I lived in Michigan. EVERYTHING is "random": the day, events, people, my blog.....I need an alternate word. HELP!

2. I just noticed this last week: I was eating Lays potato chips and found myself digging in the bag for the ones that are curled in half. I realized that I always do this. For some reason, the chips that are folded over are my favorites. They taste the same as the other chips, so I don't quite understand why it matters to me.

3. I live by a schedule, completely unintentional. Even if I'm meeting someone on the weekend, I give myself an estimated time of arrival and feel a sense of failure if I don't match or beat it.

4. I had a TiVo. I was proud of my TiVo. But it wasn't HD. There was no point, so I discontinued my service and use the local cable company's DVR. It sucks. I want my TiVo.

5. I have a fantastic sense of direction, except for in two cities: Toledo, Ohio and Washington, DC. Something about the layout of these two cities makes no good sense to me. I can't find my way around, and find my self sho-nuff lost. Anywhere else, I can ride to a destination one time and find my way there again, without incident.

6. I overuse "LOL". Most people do this. I, however, am self-conscious about it. I am trying to break my "LOL" habit by inserting emoticons or simply saying "haha". It's just not the same as good ol' LOL.

7. I am addicted to Burger King. If I ever find myself hungry, my first thought goes to BK. This was all I thought about in church. Raced there after service, got my usual double-cheeseburger combo, ate half of the fries and didn't touch the burger. What's really going on?

That's it. Since not many folks read this blog, if you read this entry consider yourself TAGGED! Tosha, you are excused. :-)

New Music Review: Mary Mary, "The Sound"

I'm chipping away at my new CD's, one at a time. Ever since I hit "play" on my iPod and heard Mary Mary's latest, I've had a hard time pressing "stop". Seriously, their latest album is one of the most innovative and unique "GOSPEL" CDs I have ever heard. Many folks I know that prefer traditional Christian music don't particularly care for this CD, claiming that it sounds too secular. Perhaps, but that's why I like it. I've grown tired of the traditional stuff and while it's not all bad, I prefer to throw something different in the mix.

First came Marvin Winans Jr's CD, which I reviewed a few weeks back. Next, I heard Deitrick Haddon's latest, "Revealed" (I enjoyed it, but haven't reviewed it yet). Then came Mary Mary. Just to show I'm not closed off to other music, I've also purchased John Legend and Wayne Brady (yes, THAT Wayne Brady), but haven't taken a good listen yet.

Mary Mary's "The Sound" begins with an eloquent spoken word by Deborah Joy Winans. The cd jumps immediately into the title track, which sounds like it was recorded for a 1960's surfer movie. Seriously. The musical style is uniquely different, but not in a negative way. It just makes you want to do the Mashed Potato or the Twist. But Mary-squared is singing about "the sound of victory/the sound of no defeat/the sound of holdin' on/the sound of stayin' strong". It definitely pulls you in by the end.

The CD has a whole radio station vibe, utilizing intros to the next song with (what sounds like) radio station call letters. Cool effect.

"Get Up" is the lead single from the album. It's what Steve Harvey has dubbed "the club song". I definitely understand why. Although Erica and Tina are encouraging you to get off your butts and do something, they also make you want to get off your butts and DANCE!

"Superfriend" has elicted the most talk from people I know and have heard the CD. Featuring rapper David Banner laying out a verse about how he isn't perfect, but God has had his back, the song sounds straight off of the airwaves. Personally, I like it. It bumps. lol. And Banner's verse is honest, which I appreciate.

"God In Me" is my current ringtone. Kierra "KiKi" Sheard lays out some guest vocals on this track, a song that talks about how people often look at you trying to figure out how/why you got it goin' on..."But what they can't see/Is you on your knees/So they next time you get a chance tell 'em/It's the God in Me". That song is hot!! (I heard Michael Baisden play it on his show earlier this week, btw).

The next track, "Boom", is cute to me. It deals with sharing things with others that might be difficult, i.e. "you're jealous, you're selfish, you have a bad attitude". The premise is, you're better off getting it off of your chest than letting it built...eventually, it'll be like "boom!"...and explosion of things you never meant to say in the first place. lol. We've all been there, dude.

"I'm Running" reminds me of 1950's Motown, and I love it. This one is simple, it's about getting closer to God. "So I'm running/if I can't walk then I'll crawl/And I can't help if I fall/Tryin' to get to where You are". It's about the perserverence in getting there. Gotta love that!

"Forgiven Me" is funny, in that it also has old school feel: Its opening actually reminds me of the Jackson 5 song, "Maybe Tomorrow". This is the first slower song on the CD, which deals with remembering where we came from, but never returning there. It thanks God for forgiveness!

The next song, "Dirt", is the closest to classic Mary Mary. It compares life to a garden, that in order to grow, we all "need a little bit of dirt" in our lives. I think it's a great way to acknowledge that..again...none of us are perfect.

Alright, I love love love the next song, "Seattle". The metaphor is great: "Holy Spirit rain like Seattle/Overtake my life like a flood/Like California shake what's not like you/I just want a heart like yours". It's a great mid-tempo song...

It leads right into "I Worship You". The song is powerful in its simplicity. The last few minutes of the song is a modulating repitition of the chorus: "you took everything I was/made me what I am/ and with all I am/I worship you", with an eventual repetition of simply "I Worship You". Although contemporary, I could see this song being sung during praise and worship in pulpits across the country. It's beautiful.

Finally, (if you buy the store CD), is "It Will All Be Worth It", a slow song that lets us know that our stress in life on earth will all be, well, worth it in the end. The closing features a myriad of guest artists, but since I got my cd from iTunes, the only voices I can distinctively make out are Karen Clark Sheard and Rance Allen. I can't tell who those other folks are, but they are numerous. :)

If you purchase the iTunes version (which I HIGHLY recommend), you'll be blessed with "I Trust You", which is my FAVORITE song on the CD. Very real and practical, the lyrics are focused around a failed marriage, and the trust that must remain in God in spite of the circumstances surrounding you. The chorus features Marvin L. Winans singing "I don't know what to do/But what I do know/Is I trust you". The vamp is my favorite part, however: "I trust you and I/I love you cuz you've/Proven yourself over and over again/Don't know just how many times/I needed a friend/You were standing right there in line". Once you hear it, you'll know why. That is repeated and modulated as it builds. Just gives me goosebumps!!

So, that's my review. Mary Mary's "The Sound"? TOTAL WIN.

Randomness

I'm back! I can't tell you why it's taking me a week to blog over here, when my daily existence has been pretty much non-stop. I need to clear my thoughts, so here we go:

** Did anyone see Barack and Michelle on "60 Minutes" last night? They are the most adorable married couple!! They talked about the car he drove during law school, the one with the hole in the floor on the passenger side, and he remarked that she didn't marry him for his money. (cute!) He lamented about his inability to take a walk outside anymore, and said he'd love to take Michelle for a walk, to which she cutely replied, "It's too cold, I'm not walking anywhere with you!". I love them!

** I think it's exceptionally rude when you're exiting an elevator and the person/people waiting to get on don't wait for the elevator to empty first. The elevator ain't goin' nowhere as long as people are in it, dummy.

** My home inspection was this past Friday. It was almost perfect, save an electrical outlet with a non-operational bottom half. Not bad, if you ask me.

** "Saw V". Eh. Meh. Went to see it on Saturday. More of the same, summed up the story, but didn't pack the punch of "Saw". **SPOILER ALERT** When Jigsaw got up off the floor in "Saw", I almost eliminated on myself. That was the craziest thing I'd ever seen.**END SPOILER ALERT**

** I'm starving. My stomach is about to eat itself. And I've recently learned that my stomach doesn't agree with the cream stuffing of Oreo cookies, which is a pretty life-altering thing.

** I didn't know that housebreaking a dog would take this long. Today is Cha Cha's 7 month birthday and she's still having a piss festival on my kitchen floor. And occasionally on the carpet.

** My newest obsession: interior design. I'm trying to nail down the perfect colors for my new walls. I know I have plenty of time to do this, but waiting has never been my strong suit.

** I don't consider myself a fan of Beyonce. I don't own a single one of her CDs, nor any of Destiny's Child stuff. The only Beyonce songs I have on my iPod are "Crazy in Love" and "Listen" (from "Dreamgirls"). I dogged the "Single Ladies" video when I first saw it. But I'll be doggoned, that girl can perform. I have some weird no-homo fascination with her. I DVRed SNL this past weekend so I could watch her perform (and I'm glad I did; the "Dance Biscuits" sketch with her and Justin Timberlake made me laugh so loud that my dog ran in the room to see what was wrong with me). I watched her interview with Oprah last week, along with the performance. And whenever I hear "Single Ladies", it stays in my head for two days.

My New Townhouse!!!!

At 29.5 years old, my dream has come true: I AM A HOMEOWNER!!! My offer was accepted Saturday, and the townhouse pictured above is mine. It was a dream that I thought wouldn't come true, but I've learned that once you get out of your own way and let God take control, anything is possible!!!

I spent the first half of church service in tears yesterday, thanking God for my mother's new job, Obama's election to the Office of President, and my new home. It was truly an amazing week, one that will stand out in my memory for a long, long time.

My closing date is set for December 19, 2008. Because I signed up to work on the 20th like a goofball, I will probably move in on December 21st. Depending upon getting a moving company.

After I sign the contract today and write the first of many checks, I will officially be in escrow.

AMAZING!

Offer Day

I'm a spaz today. My agent submitted my offer for the townhouse last night. She spent all day writing up the offer and researching the property, and she learned that the home has been on the market for a year (!) and the current owners only owe $97,000 on their mortgage. As a result, we dropped my offer price by $10,000 -- considering they would make a profit, regardless. She came over last night to go over the offer, line by line, and had me sign it. In the offer, the closing date is set for December 19, 2008 and we gave them until tomorrow at 7pm to accept or counter. She faxed it over to the seller's agent when she got home last night.

I began to freak out on Tuesday, when the mortgage company emailed me a pre-approval letter and good faith estimate on the home (at full price). My eyes almost bugged out of my head looking at the monthly payment, until I spoke with my mother and she helped diffuse my anxiety by reminding me that a) I probably won't pay full price in a buyer's market b)interest rates can fluctuate dramatically c) and the monthly payment is very close to where I said I wanted to be (once you remove the HOA fees). Whoo-sahhh. Okay I was feeling better, so I told Monique to go ahead and move forward.

So, the offer is officially made! I have the phone next to me, in case we hear back today. I can barely focus. My stomach is in knots! But I'm excited!

I think I'm going to be sick.

(lol)

Pray for me, if that's something you do!

"Barack Obama Elected President"

Once I get around to it, I'll post the picture I took of the television I was watching when those words popped up on screen. It's a moment I'll never forget. I was at my friend's house, watching the countdown ticker as the polls prepared to close in California, Oregon, Washington and Hawaii. I figured they'd immediately add some additional electoral votes to Obama's count, as they did as soon as Pennsylvania's polls close. Instead, those four words appeared on the big screen behind Wolf Blitzer and I went BALLISTIC. (I believe I was the first one in the room to see it -- or at least, react.)

In my head, I have the words of Sam Cooke: "It's been a long/long time comin'/but I know a change is gonna come/Oh yes it is"

And it has.

I hear the words of the congregation singing at Ebenezer Baptist in Atlanta last night: "Deep In my heart/I do believe/We Shall Overcome some day"

Although the country isn't perfect, it's hard not to believe that we have.

I hear the words from a song from one of my favorite movies, "The Wiz": "Everybody look around/'cuz there's a reason to rejoice, you see/Everybody come out/And Commence to singing joyfully/Everybody look up/And feel the hope that we've been waiting for/Everybody's glad/Because our silent fear and dread is gone/ Freedom, you see, has got our hearts singing so joyfully/Just look about/You owe it to yourself to check it out/Can't you feel a brand new day?"

Indeed it is.

Let us keep President-Elect Barack Obama in our prayers.

So, I'm buying my first home....

I broke down and got lazy. Below, my chronicle of this homebuying process from my Xanga blog. It's not over yet.....

October 27, 2008 - "So It Begins"
I finally took the plunge and scheduled a meeting with a mortgage lender. I wanted a clear picture of how much house I can afford at my present salary. It will also help me see if I'm actually ready to be a homeowner or not. Psychologically, I am. Financially...well, I don't know that I've been as diligent with my money as necessary. It's gotten better lately, but I haven't saved up much of a downpayment. So, we'll see.

October 29, 2008 - "Can I Borrow a Few Thousand Dollars?"
This was my lunch meeting with the home loan specialist at Washington Mutual/Chase, Sylvia. I was excited all morning for the meeting, had all of my paperwork, W-2s and paystubs in tow and ready to give to the lady. I was feeling good. Got to the bank, met Sylvia (who is super nice, btw) and got down to it. She told me that due to the recent happenings on Wall Street and the like, banks are no longer accepting anything less than a 10% downpayment. I'm not gonna put ALL my business out there, but in sum, she said that they could offer me a craptastic loan and that I would need a HUGETASTIC downpayment before they'd even consider giving me THAT. This would mean getting a gift from my parents and coming up with the rest myself. She told me that they don't work with any first-time homeowner's programs, (i.e. FHA), so it's 10% or nothing.

Needless to say, I walked out of the bank feeling discouraged. I did the math, and there is no way I could save that much money in a reasonable amount of time. There's no way my family can "gift" me with that much -- and besides, 50% of that downpayment would have to be from my own funds. I called my mom and lamented that I'd be renting for the rest of my life. We discussed my options, which weren't many. I was frustrated, because in an idealistic world, I would've been saving that sum of money since I finished school. However, due to my retardedness in undergrad, I had botched up credit that I've worked VERY hard to fix. And now that I have GOOD credit, I don't have the savings to allow me to get the home I want? I was SO frustrated. I told my mom that my only option was to hit the lottery.

Discouraged, but never defeated, I went back to work and told my co-worker the situation. She immediately gave me the number to her mortgage broker, Jane, who has worked with her on obtaining her two homes. I gave Jane a call and liked her immediately! Over the phone, we went over what just happened at WaMu and I shared with her my difficulties with obtaining the downpayment. She said, "the 3%, you mean?". I said, "they told me TEN!". Jane quickly reassured me that she works with FHA and other programs to reduce the downpayment and get folks into a home. We went over my credit scores, which I conveniently printed off last week, and she told me that due to my good credit and income, she could easily get me a loan that would get me into a nice home. I still need a downpayment, however, which I'll have to conjur up some sort of way. She informed me about the $7500 first-time homebuyers' tax credit, which I can use to repay a "gifted" down-payment, so all I have to do is see who is willing to lend me a few thousand bucks. I had a meeting scheduled with Jane for later that day.

THEN my mom called and told me that she's practically been offered the job in Virginia Beach! (YAY!!!!!) After talking about that for awhile, I told her that I have another mortgage meeting today. My mom told me that if ALL else fails, she'll loan me the money for the downpayment!
Etoshobasha!!!!*running around the room*
*falling to the floor*
THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!

October 31, 2008 - "Never Give Up!"
My meeting with my second prospective lender, Jane Floyd was on thr 29th. Found the building with no problem and went inside. To the left was a markerboard that said "Welcome Carla B". Really??

I liked this place already.

The receptionist offered me something to drink - I opted for a Coca-Cola - and Jane came out to meet me. This woman was tiny. Like 5'2". I liked her immediately. We went back to her office -- she owns the firm, btw -- and shot the breeze for a minute. As she was out of the office to get some paperwork, I turned around and checked out the back wall. All over were photos of churches that she had helped finance/plant all over the world: Kenya, Vietnam, Pakistan, etc. I was impressed! She returned and we talked about that for a minute. And inside, I thanked God that this woman was a Christian!

We got to talking about my current situation and what it is that I want. She had pulled the listings that I emailed to her, and went through the task of going through the numbers for me. She had good faith estimates on three properties that I had sent her, and three very different price points. This was just to show me how the dollars break down, what affects costs, etc. She answered every single one of my questions, no matter how dumb, and walked me through the process. Told me I was DEFINITELY pre-approved, all I have to do now is go out, find a place, and send her the info! How exciting!!!

I called my agent Monique IMMEDIATELY and told her the good news. She sent me some property listings that night. That night, we had plans to go visit some of the homes. My parents are also aware of what's going on - mentioned it to my dad, along with the $7500 tax credit I'll receive next year, so maybe he'll be willing to contribute to the Down-Payment charity fund. (BTW: all down payment assistance programs have been suspended until further notice. Bummer!)

November 3/4, 2008 - "House Hunter!"
This is all happening VERY fast.

I watch "House Hunters" on HGTV obsessively, along with "My First Place"/"My First Home" and "Property Virgins". That is nothing new. What's funny is, now I feel like I'm on one of those shows, since Monique started showing me properties.

Friday I ran out of work at 3:45 so that I could get home, change, pick up Cha Cha and get to Monique's condo. I made it there by 5, which was cool because we had an appointment to view the first property at 5:30. She also pointed out another property that she thought I might like, but we'd check that one out on Sunday. After sitting in 6 years of traffic, we made it to Westchase and the first condo. It was nice, spacious, but my main concerns were that the floor plan wasn't very open (kitchen and family room were far apart and separated by stairs), there weren't walk-in closets, and there was a set of train tracks not even 100 yards from the front door of the place. The price was right, and the townhouse was in walking distance from super-cute West Park Village, but those train tracks killed it for me.

Second place was around the corner and was a disaster. No balcony/patio, which is a must, and it smelled. The people hadn't even completely moved out, so there was food in the pantry, pests, etc. It was NASTY. We got out of there ASAP, but the burn of the stink stayed in my nostrils for another hour! Looked at two other places, the second was pretty nice and had an AMAZING master suite.It needed a little work, but nothing too major. I told Mo to keep that one on the list.

Sunday after Pastor's Appreciation service (it was themed after the Olympics: super FUN!) , we went to visit the next set of townhomes. These places were faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaantastic!! Everything I was looking for, minus great location. Not that they're in the hood; just further east than I wanted to go. It's still a short commute to work, which is nice. They were also a little pricier than I wanted, but there are two units that are on sale for much cheaper. We went back last night to look at them those.

The first unit was the floor plan that I prefer, with three upstairs bedrooms and an open kitchen. The place was vacant, and the previous owners had painted the walls an interesting mix of orange and green. The walls weren't ugly actually, but the paint job was shoddy. The cons were that the washer/dryer weren't included, no closing costs were being offered and the property is a short sale.

The second unit was the OTHER floor plan, with a ground floor master bedroom and eat-in kitchen. The owners were home unexpectedly, which was awwwwkward! But they were gracious enough to let us come in and look around. I immediately loved this place. The eat-in kitchen was great, there were hardwood floor in the living room, the lanai was screened and HUGE, and the owners said that they will include their two flat screen tvs and surround sound in with the sale. AND they're paying 3% closing costs. So....what else is there to discuss? I told Monique that I'm pretty much ready to make an offer. I just want to confer with the parental units first, for any last minute advice.

Let the games begin!