Rest in Peace, King of Pop

I originally wrote this post on another blogging site in 2005. This loss has hit me harder than I ever would've thought. Even when I was younger, I would dread the day Michael left us. In my mind, I'd be a much older woman when it happened, so for this to occur at the mere age of 30 (for him, age 50) is unfathomable. I'm grieving like he was a family member. In many ways, he was. People don't understand it, but there is comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one this rocked by Michael's death. His music will live on.

Michael Joseph Jackson
August 29, 1958 - June 25, 2009

The Evolution of a Fan

Jan 2005


I watched the "48 Hours Mystery" on Michael Jackson on Saturday night
and it got me to thinking about the years I spent as a Michael devotee.
I can't pinpoint when, where or how it started but as long as I can
remember, I was Michael Jackson crazy. Unlike many people here on
Xanga, I was actually alive when both Off the Wall and Thriller were
released, although I wasn't even school-aged yet. My parents bought my
brother and me matching "Beat It" jackets with all the zippers. We had

Thriller on vinyl - yeah we did! - and my brother and I used to play it in
the basement all the time. Then, he suddenly got into Prince, and the
Michael vs. Prince debate became a constant in my home. This lasted
until I was in high school, when I finally conceded that yes, Prince is
off the hook. I remember Michael coming to Cleveland on the Bad Tour,
and my parents wouldn't take me. I just had to watch my copy of
"Moonwalker" and like it. Receive it Carla, you will not be going to the concert. I'm still bitter about that, since
I've never seen him perform live and the way things are looking, I
never will.






I hit the seventh grade in 1991, right around the time Dangerous was
released, and I don't know what happened. I became a fanatic. We were
all entering puberty...everyone else was starting to date, but since I
was a goof, Michael Jackson became my new fake boyfriend. My other
goofy friends and I formed our own little clique founded on our
devotion to Michael. While I was in eighth grade "The Jacksons: An
American Dream" miniseries debuted on ABC. It was over. My corny friends
and I had the movie memorized in a matter of months. We had viewing
parties. We celebrated Michael's birthday. For my 13th birthday, I
received a life-size cut out of MJ's pic on his Bad CD. I wrote letters
to his fan club, and received a autographed pic written out to me. My
brother and I used to box anytime he made a negative comment about
Mike. I got offended at the jokes, so I got picked on a lot. Yeah, it
was bad. I was a fan obsessed.



<----Look, it's on sale



I got to high school and suddenly, it was no longer cool to be part of
the Michael Jackson clique. We disbanded, and suddenly the interest
went from celebrities to real life boys. I was still a loyal supporter
- I bought HIStory the day it was released - but my priorities had
shifted. This was either during or right after the first set of child
molestation allegations, and dude I had Michael's BACK. Don't nobody
say nothin' bad about Michael! I even bought the Blood on
the Dance Floor cd to show my Mike support.











Then the shift happened. Maybe I just grew up. Grew out of it. I can't
pinpoint when it happened, but I realized it when Invincible
was
released and I didn't buy it. That was huge..me? Not buying a Michael
Jackson CD? I still don't own it to this day. (although "Butterflies"
is the JAM). I've been guilty of laughing at Michael Jackson jokes. I
can now admit that his appearance is out of hand. My heart breaks
whenever I see a current picture of him. What drove him to destroy his
face like that?



<-----This is on sale too. Maybe I should buy it



And now, here we are on the eve of his big trial, and I don't know what
to think. It's hard for me to believe that he could've actually
molested these kids, but I haven't heard the evidence against him yet.
I think it was definite and serious lapse of judgment to have these
kids in his house/in his bed if he is innocent. Hello, McFly? Welcome
to the real world. At the end of the" 48 hrs" program, there was a
graphic that said that if Mike is convicted on all counts, he could
spent 20+ years in prision! :Shocked: That hit me hard..Michael Jackson
in jail? Geez...I guess we'll see what happens in due time.


Addendum: June 27, 2009

Thank God he was found not guilty. I still to this day don't believe he did anything wrong. Poor judgment, yes? But I never saw Michael Jackson as a manipulative pedophile. I saw him as a troubled man who never had a proper upbringing, and therefore, had stunted emotional development. I loved him with all my heart, as if I knew him, and was longing for an opportunity to see him perform live. It's heartbreaking that I'll never have that chance. My heart aches for his family, for him to be the first one to pass away. I pray that the media is respectful of the family and his legacy.

Rest in peace, Michael.

Thirty and Fabulous!!

It's been a minute since I've written here. Almost three months; wow. Much has been happening in the life of me....most prominently, I've begun working with the federal government at the Tampa VA Hospital. I've been there a little bit more than a month, and I'm enjoying the job thus far. Nevermind the pay raise - which is nice :) - but the work itself is better than my former job. My patient list never goes over 24, versus the 60-80 some patients I used to be responsible for assisting. The nuts and bolts of the job are the same (discharge planning and counseling), but having less patients allows for more time with each one. And I enjoy working with the veterans. These guys sacrificed their lives in order to make this country a safer place, and many of them have fascinating stories. Loving the new gig.

I also got a new car last month. The old one had some time left on it, but the cost of maintaining it was becoming more than a notion. So I traded it in after 8 years and got a 2007 Camry. It's a larger car and is in this funky aqua-green color. I love the car but not looking forward to my first car note in 4 years.



Finally, I hit a milestone: I turned 30 years old on April 28th! I can't believe I'm actually 30!!! It feels good at the moment, but it's also very new. I've stepped up my nutrition/exercise regime....I want to keep everything tight as I get older! My birthday celebration was a blast; my girls came down from Tallahassee and I also celebrated with my girls here in Tampa. Dinner, movies, shopping, pampering, comedy show and a night of dancing. On my actual birthday, I went to Magic Kingdom with another of my girls. A total blast; what a great way to ring in 30! The party continues in two weeks as I travel to Chicago to party with my girls Jynnifer and Maya for THEIR 30th birthdays. Can't wait, I haven't been to the CHI in four years!

Hello 30!!!!

Words of Wisdom

"You are better off being single, wishing to be married, than to be married wishing you were single again. You have the rest of your life to be married; enjoy the few years you have of being single" - E. Royster Harper

My former employer uttered those words to me almost seven years ago, and they have stuck with me since. With the imminent approach of Valentine's Day, there is no time like the present to reflect on the blessings of singlehood -- and lament over the lack of consistent companionship.

A very close friend of mine is in a situation he wishes to escape. Married five years ago at the age 24, he is beginning to feel that he rushed into matrimony and is contemplating next steps. He acknowledges feeling envious of my freedom as a single and childless woman, and has found himself in an unfulfilling marriage (no kids). I don't know what to say. As the single woman who desires a companion, I encourage him to appreciate the fact that he has found love. I tell him how difficult it is to be single out here...but, maybe that experience is different for single men than it is for women. I know plenty of married women who say that they do not envy me and my current relationship status. Thanks -- that's comforting.

On the flip side, the majority of my friends are (ostensibly) happy. Two of my closest friends here in Florida have been married for over 6 years and are blissful. I've spent enough time with them to know that the love, passion, and respect they have for one another is genuine. It's the relationship I long to have, full of laughter, dining out, activity and travel. They've restored my faith that marriage doesn't HAVE to be boring and dull.

At the same time, I do cherish my freedoms. Many of my friends who are single moms told me that they were jealous of my ability to pick up and move to Florida on a whim. Some married friends tell me to enjoy my freedom to make random - and sometimes stupid - decisions (and purchases like Manolo Blahniks) without having to consult with anyone or hide my bags when I get home. I wanted to wait until I was betrothed to purchase a home, but developed a "why wait?" mentality instead. As Royster told me way back when, I have so many years left ahead of me (God-willing) to enjoy the fruits of matrimony. Once these 20- 30- somethings are gone, you never get them back. I look forward to walking down the aisle, having kids, etc....but, in hindsight, I am glad I didn't settle down earlier. I look at the things I've experienced in my 20s and am thankful for them, both good and bad. I'm excited to see what the future holds, now that most of my individual goals have now been met (I just need to get myself overseas...)

With that said: to those in relationships, Happy Valentine's Day. To those who are not: Happy Singles' Solidarity Day. :)

Addicted

"Hello, my name is Carla and I am addicted to social networking"

It's bad y'all. Facebook is going to be my downfall. I cannot understand WHY it's so addictive, or why I cannot stay off of that site. It's a compulsion. The only comfort I get is knowing that I am not alone in my addiction.

When I joined Facebook in 2004, I thought it was stupid. I didn't understand what was so attractive about its simplicity. At the time, it was only open to college students -- people I saw regularly, since I still lived in Ann Arbor. You had a profile, a picture and that was it. Stupid.

Shortly thereafter, they incorporated the ability to post pictures. I believe that this is when I officially became addicted. Not to mention, I had moved to Ohio at this point and it was a good way to stay in touch with my Michigan folks -- and people from other colleges. Simultaneously, my brother invited me to join MySpace and I found myself on there ALL of the TIME. Facebook..afterthought. MySpace addiction continued for awhile, and I contemplated deleting my Facebook account several times.

However, at this point it was open for anyone to join. People I hadn't seen or heard from in YEARS suddenly started sending me friend requests. Preschool friends, elementary and high school acquaintences, ex-boyfriends and the like, friends from Detroit, etc. And because talking on the phone is one of my largest deficiencies, this became a wonderful way to stay in touch with people and get updated on their lives. Another attractive perk was the ability to find friends when I was going on vacation. For example, I went to Los Angeles in 2006, and thanks to Facebook, I linked up with my college friend Eddie for a wonderful night of salsa dancing.

The more people that joined and added me, the more I felt compelled to visit the site and see what was going on. Eventually, the Facebook devils added the "notifications", "chat", "status updates" and then the ability to comment on one's status update. After that, I was done. Today, I find myself checking Facebook every few minutes. Thanks to my iPhone, I almost unconsciously tap the Facebook app and look for a little red notification dot. And, as confident as I am with my new beau situation, I catch myself looking at his page for any females trying to push up on him. (lol, *smh*). Facebook can get you into trouble.

It's funny because just this week I've had three phone conversations....about Facebook. It's really changed the face of modern communication. How much you learn about others. I find I can't tell stories anymore, because people already know my isht from my compulsive status updates. (lol)

They're going to need to come up with a 12-Step Program for Facebookers who can't break the habit. Sign me up.

Happy New Year!

Hellllooo 2009!!!! Looking forward to big things in the upcoming year. 2008 was a fantastic year for me personally and professionally, with many positives and very very few negatives. In retrospect:

In 2008...

...Nobody close to me passed away.

....I finally had the opportunity to date my "Dream Man", which turned out to be a disappointment. As some dreams are, when they become reality. lol

...I attempted to enter two long-distance relationships, neither of which worked out. And for that, I'm grateful.

...I finally settled in on a church home

...I went on two cruises, developed a massive crush on the cruise director, and played The Amazing Race in Cozumel. Amazing.

...Won a free trip to Las Vegas

...Two dear friends were married and two of my hometown girls had babies

...I adopted Cha Cha and learned first-hand the rigors of being a pet owner

...I closed on my first home, something I hadn't been planning on even in early October

...I grew very close to The Boos, as they are now known, and they became my Tampa BFFs

...I began dating an amazing man, who makes me smile at the mere thought of him

...I officially became addicted to Facebook (lol)

...And lastly, I survived long enough to see the first black President elected to office!

I can't wait to see what 2009 has in store. Topping 2008 will be a tall order, but I'm believing God to make it happen!!

All Moved In

Moving is a pain in my left butt cheek, but it's done. I have signed my name to the dotted lines..and there were many lines...and I now own my first home. It's nuckin' futs, I tell you. It hasn't sunken in yet, that this place is MINE. There is so much more space than I'm used to, and for the first time ever, I have extra bedrooms! God is sooooo good. I plan to write something more succinct in due time, but for now I just wanted to check in and testify! :)

I pray whoever reads this has a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

It's Almost been a MONTH?!?

Wow, I have fallen off of the blogging tip, big time. My life is crazy right now. Not in a bad way, yet crazy enough to neglect my beloved blogspot. Good news is, I am closing on my townhouse this Friday and I move on Saturday. I've been packing, packing, packing. Trying to get everything switched over (I'm on hold with Brighthouse now...they seem to think it wise to schedule my cable appointment at the same time I'll be moving. Um, no.)

With all that's going on, I've had a difficult time getting into the Christmas spirit. I bought a couple of gifts, but nothing extravagant. I get on a plane to Cleveland on Christmas morning, and will then travel to Pittsburgh, DC, Richmond and Virginia Beach. In the course of four days. This is how I roll. I just hate I won't have much time to get settled in my new digs. I wanted to get started on some painting, but I guess that will have to wait until the new year.

I'll try to do better about updating. I'm sure my life as a new homeowner will be much more interesting. Let's hope.