A Few Thoughts

My mind is swirling today and has led me back to this long-neglected blog. This joint has been a ghost town for almost two years, so I'm pretty confident that at this point, I'll be talking to myself. That will have to do.

So much has happened in the past 20 months, the biggest development being that I am now married! Unbelievably, the one who was chronically single for years and wondered if it would EVER happen for her (that would be me, people) is now a wife. Sometimes I can't believe it myself!

Now you're caught up. Onto my thoughts for today....

...which, actually, can be tied to my prior announcement, considering that we spent the majority of 2011 planning our destination wedding. I've been spending much of this afternoon looking at TheNest.com because, if you didn't know this already, once you register on TheKnot.com and actually GET married, you are automatically "referred" to The Nest. Nice. I stumbled across a couple of articles about "Maintaining Friendships after Marriage" and "How To Know if You're a Good Friend", which then let me to "8 Types of Toxic Friends", which then led me to message boards about friendships within marriage, and in general. Following me here? I hope so.

What resonated with me the most is the shared experiences I have had with many of the women who were posting comments on these articles and boards. Ever since my DH (dear Husband) found his way to Florida in mid-2010, I have felt as if my social life was dwindling. Florida can be an interesting place to live, in that it's a beautiful state with plenty of things to do, but sometimes finding the right set of people to do those things with can be a challenge. That was our struggle. Sure, I had my friends from my single days who all took kindly to my (at the time) BF, but they weren't HIS friends. I ended up having a MAJOR falling out with the one half of the couple that I thought we'd be spending the majority of our time with, a fallout that never quite fixed itself, even after hashing it all out in a long conversation. As a result, I, as many of the female posters, began to feel a bit socially isolated. And now that I'm married? Forgetaboutit.

The wedding planning process was eye-opening. There have been people in my life who I had considered friends up until this process began. We hung out, laughed, shared personal experiences with one another. They'd call me when they needed support, and vice versa. Some were people I worked with, others friends from back in the day. One by one, true colors began to emerge and showed me that, really, not everyone is as down for you as I you would like to think.

It amazes me how some find it SO difficult to celebrate another person. To extract himself (or, mostly HERself) from their present situation to be present for someone else. I think about the number of times I've had to do that, and it boggles my mind. It's frustrating when someone is unable to do the same for you. I was thinking about the number of people who stated they WANTED to come to the wedding, but couldn't due to money or the need to travel...yet never sent a gift. That's amazing to me. I'm not greedy but dang, it would've been a nice gesture.

Some attribute this type of behavior to jealousy, which came up several times in the material I was reading today. I've never been the type to be like "that heffa is JEALOUS of ME", because I know how that comes off and don't want to be that girl. I will readily admit that there have been times when I've been jealous of people I know; in fact, I attended a wedding in 2004 that was so amazing and beautiful and awesome that I don't know how my green-eyed monster was able to keep still (not to mention, I was pathetically single at the time and it was the 5th wedding I had attended that year). But, because I know the other side (BEING jealous), I know what to look for in others. People can conceal it so brilliantly too.

Case in Point: Officemate Bridezilla. This was someone I once considered a friend, even outside of work. I helped her get the job she currently holds, because I thought she'd be great at it (which she is) and wanted to see her more. The day I returned to work and announced my engagement (he proposed 12/30/10, we were back to work on 1/2/11), she informed us that HER boyfriend had spoken to her father and asked him for HER hand in marriage. While my (at the time) fiance and I were beginning to exciting process of planning our wedding and sharing our good news with other friends, she decided that she would start planning her wedding as well. Although it seemed odd because she wasn't engaged, we (in the office) were game...at first. She began putting down wedding deposits, getting extra loud with people on the phone, reserving her DJ..all without a ring. Her planning became so central to everything happening in the office that mine was diminished. I felt shut down. I could not discuss any details of my wedding without her comparing it to what SHE was doing.

Finally, almost two months later, her boyfriend proposed and they planned to marry one month after me. Things in that office went from mildly tense to unbearable. This may all be coincidence, but she chose a wedding dress by the same designer as mine. Her engagement ring came from the same store as mine. She ordered her save-the-dates from the same vendor. At this point, I was not discussing my wedding plans at ALL, unless she had left the room. It was a competetion. I later learned that I was being discussed when I was absent from the office; excited conversation would cease amongst the other girls when I returned. I almost felt bullied and hated coming to work. I still planned to invite her to the wedding because of the prior friendship we had; she never acknowledged receiving the save-the-date OR the invitation. Never. Never had anything kind to say about our engagement photos or any of our plans. Never expressed an intent to come; she didn't RSVP to the wedding until I created a separate group to reach out to those who hadn't replied. And I shared an OFFICE with the broad. Her response: Declined.

The straw that broke the camel's back came around my bridal shower. I had two showers; my private shower for invited wedding guests (to which she was invited), and a work shower. She never once acknowledged the planning or invitation to the private shower. And, once my co-workers decided to throw me a work shower and called me first (because my wedding was first), she lost her S@$T. Of course, not to me. But to everyone else who would listen...which, of course, got back to me. When they called and offered her a shower 10 minutes later, she declined. The next day, she and I were alone in the office and after her refusing to speak to me the entire day, I finally turned to her and said "do you have an issue with me? I need you to let me know if you do". She denied it, saying that she was "stressed over her wedding" and encouraging me " not to take it personally". That was that. The next day was my private shower, which she did not attend. In fact, when I returned to work on Monday, she not only ignored the fact that I even HAD a shower, but made to point to excitedly ask our other officemate about her recent vacation.

I was through. I emailed my boss and asked her to get me out of that office, and moved two days later. I deleted and blocked her and her close girlfriends from my Facebook page. I returned her RSVP (because yes, after all this she invited me to her wedding) and stated we would not be in attendance. I got married in November and it was beautiful. Just beautiful. I returned to work to a slew of congratulatory messages - except from her. To this day, I only exchange pleasantries with her. With friends like THIS, who needs enemies?

I told this ridiculously long story as an illustration of how people's true colors tend to emerge. Her example is the extreme; it's bad to say, but I would've expected this terrible behavior from a miserably single person who was trying to sabotage my happiness, NOT someone I once considered a friend who was having a shared experience! My absolute BEST FRIEND got married 6 months before I did, and never ONCE did I feel a spirit of competition with her. I stood in her awesome wedding, she stood in mine. I made a point to be at her pre-wedding activities, and she did the same for me. THAT is friendship. That's how it's supposed to be. I'm grateful for her example to help me weed the "real folks" from the evil in my life.

Saying all this to say, my circle of friends has dramatically shrunk in the past year. It makes me a little sad at times, because I genuinely had good experiences with these people. But sometimes you have to move on, especially when that person is doing more harm than good. Life is too short to dwell on those who suck life from you. The wedding reminded us of those in our lives who are AMAZING, TRUE friends and I wish they would ALL move to Florida! :)

My prayer is that the Lord would bless my husband and me with a genuine group of people who we can laugh with, spend time with, and trust. We already have a few people like that, for whom we are thankful. Can't hurt to have more. :)

Some REAL Foolishness

I think I can now safely say that I am a reality TV junkie. Before, I allowed myself access to a few reality shows here and there, feeling justified because the shows were wildly popular among the Nielsen ratings folks. “Amazing Race” was and is my all-time favorite program, and I recently gave up on “ANTM” and “American Idol”. But now those latter two shows have been replaced with a smorgasbord of foolishness. (confession: I did allow myself “Flavor of Love” - both seasons and “I Love New York” – both seasons). My DVR is working overtime to keep up with my bad habit, for which I am thankful. I do know that there are some people that are worse, but considering where I was not even a few months ago, I feel much shame! For my own entertainment and perhaps enlightenment, I feel compelled to detail what is so cracktastic about all of my shows.

First of all, I must say that VH-1 is the devil incarnate. There is something about their shows that suck me in. I’m all up in their shows; I think I watch more shows on VH-1 than on any other channel. And here’s why:

“Tough Love” and “Tough Love: Couples”: So I totally love Steve Ward! The dude is no-holds barred. The first two “Tough Love” seasons were pretty good, but once he started focusing on the couples, I got seriously hooked. Some of the issues that the couples are dealing with – trust issues, lack of sex life, poor communication – are real-life problems and some of the advice that Steve gives is helpful. But, mostly, the show is great entertainment. I find myself sitting there wondering who is gonna make it and who is gonna call it quits. We don’t find out until the end of the season. I also like that, in spite of them living in a mansion together and having weekly “challenges”, no one is eliminated or voted off. They’re there to complete the boot camp. And I’m totally tuning in every week!

“Brandy & Ray J: A Family Business”: Truly I do not understand why I’m so into this show. I guess, having a brother of my own, the relationship between the two siblings is interesting…even if I’m not a Grammy-winning R&B star and my brother hasn’t had two dating reality shows. I am quietly cheering on Brandy’s comeback, which must begin with her abandoning her current hair-affair and finding something that does not involve babyhair and lacefronts.

“What Chilli Wants”: Have mercy, I thought I was picky! Watching Chilli try to find a man with this mess of a matchmaker is both compelling and painful. I want to shake her at times to tell her that she’s out of her mind, but then I feel badly for her at times (see this past week’s episode with Floyd in Vegas). I dunno, I hope she finds what she wants.

“Basketball Wives”: I watch this purely for the trainwreckiness of it. I’ve dubbed Evelyn and Jennifer “Evilene” and “Evermean”, one because they are and two, because references to “The Wiz” are fun. At any rate, the amount of delusional thinking, self-aggrandizing and overall snobbiness in this show makes it impossible to turn off – at least for me, anyway. I enjoy watching them just to talk about them on Twitter or read about them on message boards. Wealth does a lady not make. I hope by watching themselves on tv, they'll gain some insight. (#unlikely)

Right behind VH-1 come WE and TLC (it’s a tie) for all of their wedding shows. And I mean, ALL of their wedding shows. Sure, wedding planning is on my mind, but I’m not engaged. (lol) Still, I cannot turn away and cannot stop my DVR from taping all of the wonderfulness!

“My Fair Wedding by David Tutera”: by far my favorite wedding show. I just want to kidnap David Tutera and make him plan my wedding, when the time comes. I love how he comes in and completely kills the wedding design, because you know his designs are gonna much more faaabulous and much more expensive. I could never afford to hire the guy (weddings in his design collection at Disney World start at $60,000…don’t ask how I know that)…so whenever I am engaged, he needs to watch his back! Lol

“Say Yes to the Dress”: Who spends $11,000 on a wedding gown? Clearly, this happens, and Kleinfeld’s in NYC is the place to go to do it. I just shake my head at the amount of money these women spend on their gowns, but enjoy the drama that goes down in the shop. Plus the new season just started, so let the fun begin!

“Bridezillas”: Usually pisses me off more than anything, makes me question how much of this is being played off for the camera because 1) I refuse to believe that these women will act THIS crazy and 2) I cannot understand how the grooms go through with the ceremony after all of the bipolar manic hijinks that these brides get into. Foolishness.

“Four Weddings”: Just got into this one last week. Basically, four brides who already have planned their weddings attend each other’s ceremonies and rate the overall experience, including her dress, food and venue. The winner wins a fabulous honeymoon. It’s just interesting to see how different the brides’ visions are, what works and what doesn’t. Plus it’s super entertaining! I’ll be sticking with this one.

“Platinum Weddings”: Excess to the extreme. I’ve seen some fabulous ceremonies – the one in Mexico in the cave stands out, but seriously, spending $500,000+ on a wedding is just stupid. I can only watch this in doses.

“Rich Bride, Poor Bride”: This one is cool cuz it deals with the actual cost of weddings, what can drive people over budget, and even exposes some of the Groomzillas that exist out there. Lol. Fun times.

Not that I need approval or validation from others, but am I the only one addicted to this craziness??

LDR Realities:The Phone

Wow, has it really been 6 months since I posted up in here? Eek! Well, I made a promise to myself (and Facebook, for those who cared) that I would start writing again, so here I am. I'll be volleying back and forth between this site -- which is more open for public perusal, and the other one -- which is where I am more free to vent about personal stuff, as needed.

Those who have known me awhile are aware -- or not -- that when I first went back to school to get my Masters, I wanted to focus on relationship counseling. My career has not really led me in that direction, but has not squashed my interest in interpersonal relationships, especially those of the romantic sort. There's this new show on VH-1, "Tough Love: Couples", that has become my new crack. It's just fascinating to me. And although I'm no expert on the topic, I'm now six months into the most grown-up relationship I've ever had -- long distance on top of everything else -- so I feel that I have some quality opinions to add to to the topic. Maybe. I don't plan for this to turn into the "She Knows Everything about Love"blog, because CLEARLY I don't, but sharing my observations can be fun...and perhaps anyone who stumbles across this page will have something to add.

My friend from college had written an interesting blog a few weeks back about how much she boos upon long-distance relationships, with good reason. Was this the ideal situation for me? Not at all. Is he worth it? Absolutely. But, we continue to bump heads around an essential tool that I've had issues with for many years: the telephone.

Now, I've been on the other end of this spectrum. As my girl Kat and I discussed on Saturday, we've encountered the brothas who believe in "textual relationships". My man is not cut of this fabric. He will text during work as necessary,but also steals moments to call and say "I just wanted to hear your voice". Those things are sweet and endearing. They always make me smile. So, my issues do not stem from this. No, my issues come after a long day at work. He is one hour behind me (Eastern Standard versus Central), so when I get home, I go straight into veg mode. I mean, peel off the work clothes, put on my play clothes, walk the dog, turn on the TV veg mode. By the time I'm good and comfortable, he calls. We work in similar fields, but we deal with our workdays differently -- I leave work AT work, while he likes to process his day with me. Sometimes that takes 5 minutes, sometimes it takes 20. Unfortunately, I have an attention span of a gnat (and am not afraid to admit it!). So at minute marker 10, I'm disengaged. This boils down to the basic problem I've had with friends who are less understand of who I am: I am not a phone person. I am a direct communicator, or so says the communication style assessment I took last month. Meaning, I am a "get to the point, no need to illustrate the story" type person. He, on the other hand, is an illustrative and detailed storyteller. I tend to stay on the phone even when I don't have anything to say or contribute to the conversation.

Fortunately, I took this assessment with him and we were able to identify our differences. Yeah..great. So now what? It's one thing to know information; the important part is, what do you do with this new information?

We've resolved it like this - when I know I'm distracted, like watching something on TV or reading...whatever, I'll get off of the phone. As simple as that sounds, when you only see someone once a month, every moment matters. Or, at least you convince yourself that it does. So, we've been learning as we grow that we do have lives and interests outside of each other and pursuing those is not a slight against our relationship. Balance, people.

We'll always talk enough to see what kind of day the other is having, hopefully all is well and if we need to talk later, we will. If we have the time and desire to sit on the phone for a couple of hours, we do that. Either way, we make sure that the other is happy. Nothing replaces physically being together in the same room, but with this current situation, we'll take what we can get.

M.I.A.

So, not only have I been negligent of my blogging "responsibilities", I've also been neglecting some of my buddies. I've been fussed at so much this past week that I'm trying to reach out and make amends, with folk, while updating people on what's been going on.

I've been doing my fair share of traveling this month, as anyone on Facebook can tell you. I traveled to Los Angeles during the first/second week of October to visit my brother and meet my future sister-in-law. My "quasi-excitement" about the trip dissipated the moment I arrived. Devon, my future-SIL, took good care of me when my brother was busy with school or work. She and I went shopping, out to eat, talked wedding stuff. It was great. The three of us went to Six Flags Magic Mountain on that Friday, and had a freakin' blast. First of all, the park was essentially empty. The longest line we stood in was 45 minutes for the Deja Vu. The park had sooooo many coasters, and I later learned that this particular park is in a constant battle with Cedar Point for the title of "most roller coasters". I believe Magic Mountain surpassed CP this year with the opening of their wooden "Terminator:Salvation" ride. Intense. The scariest thing I've ever ridden, the X2, was the culmination of our day. Never have I ridden a contraption that sent me uphill on my back,hanging off the side of the track, and flipped me continuously throughout the ride. OMG that mug was SCARY, but FUN! In terms of celebrity sightings, I only saw Fabio and Tiny "Zeus" Lister during my time there. I never see, like, Will Smith. Always the randoms.

Another trip I just returned from was a weekend trip to Dallas to visit my friend Jocelyn, her hubby Courtney, and to attend her son's first birthday party. (Note to self: upload the pics!) Another of my friends from back in the day, Kim, joined us from New Jersey, along with Jocelyn's parents from Cleveland. I don't think I've ever gone out of town and not spent a dime. We spent the ENTIRE weekend in the house, from prepping for the party to hanging out in the "man cave" to having an impromptu worship service at the house. It was really nice to see my friends again (I hadn't seen Kim in three years) and catch up. It was a nice getaway and although I was a little hesitant to go at first, I'm glad I had a chance to take the trip.

As a result of these two, I had to cancel another trip to Atlanta that I was supposed to take this weekend for Kat's birthday party. Sucks rocks. I am planning to go to Chicago right before Thanksgiving, and of course there is the big family cruise in December.

I also closed my Twitter account earlier this month. It just made no sense to me. I understood using it in an attempt to keep up with folk, but it became more of a nuisance to check than fun to use. So, I said good-bye.

Last but certainly not least, my biggest distraction this month has been HIM. This still isn't "Facebook Public" and most of my friends aren't aware yet, but I am now....finally....after 10 long years....in a relationship! I'm dating someone that I've known for 9 years and had some past romantic involvement with, effective October 23rd. Although it's new -- we've only been officially together for two weeks -- our long-term close friendship and our dating history has made this all VERY easy. The hardest part,though? It's long distance. It's never easy. He lives in Chicago and I'm here. He came down to see me a few weeks ago, which is when we made our relationship official, and I'm going to go see him in a couple weeks. (I gotta find my winter coat). It's exciting because I know, without a shadow of a single doubt, that this is the man I am going to marry. I'm not being spooky, I just know this. We've talked about it. Where/when/how many guests etc. We've talked about kids. I've known him so long that nothing surprises me. I've met his parents and he's met mine (it was years ago, but still). My folks remember him and vice versa. And we are crazy about each other. It's so nice to finally have reciprocated love, y'all. This is such a foreign concept to me. He's working very hard on getting himself moved to Tampa, praying for a job opportunity to open up to make that happen. At any rate, much of my incognito-ness(?) lately has been due to long long phone conversations in the evenings. Thank the LORD for AT&T's A-list, because all of those calls are now FREE. AT&T FTW! So, keep us in your prayers....ya girl is happy and there is a man involved!

We Are Family?

Super-long hiatus, but I'm back. Seriously -- I don't do the things I used to enjoy so much (writing, dancing, etc), so I need to start getting it together. I'm trying. I'm blogging on Xanga weekly, and I'll try to do so here.

I was compelled to return to this blog site to discuss the experience I had in Orlando on Friday and Saturday. But before I do, let me add this disclaimer: my negative feelings have absolutely nothing to do with my beloved Maxwell himself, who I had the pleasure of seeing live for the second time this summer. He performed beautifully as always. No, my issue came about the event itself.

Okay. The Tom Joyner Family Reunion has been held in Orlando for the past six or so years. The package price to the event, which includes lodging, concert tickets, park tickets, etc start in the upper 100's and go up to the thousands, depending on size of your tribe. Being that I live in Tampa, I did not see the need to purchase a package deal, especially when they were selling tickets to individual events. Now, I had seen Maxwell perform live in a much smaller venue in Clearwater, FL on July 30th, so when I saw he was returning to the area in September, I wasn't completely pressed. I had excellent seats to the July show and Maxwell waved at me, so I was (almost) satisfied. *wink* However, I told my girl - who missed the July show - all about it and she wanted to go, so I told her I'd go again and make a mini-weekend out of it.

She graciously purchased the ticket, which was $65 once you added taxes and fees, and I paid her back for it. We learned at that time that the concert was general admission, and the ticket said the show started at 9. The general admission thing had me worried, but the seating chart on the website made it appear that it would be almost banquet like, with circular tables and such.

I had to work on Friday, so I was rushing like crazy. The girls had already checked into the hotel,and I finally arrived at 7:45. We also learned earlier that day that the doors to the concert didn't open until 9 (show start time unknown), so we figured we had time. But not much...after I got dressed in a flash, we left the hotel at 8:30 to go to the Gaylord.

We got there and parked, and saw a line of black folks that was long, but not ridiculous. However, once we got IN the line, we learned that it snaked throughout the bottom floor of the hotel, with the venue being one story up. :-/ We were way in the back of the line, but there were a LOT of people still behind us. While in line, we also learned that the venue held 5,000 people. Once they finally opened the doors at nine, we slowly walked our way through the hotel, and in 20 minutes, we got to the venue. It wasn't even a real concert hall; it was like a gigantic ballroom with rows and rows of seats set up. By the time we got in there, we had no choice but to sit towards the back. The stage was soooooo far away. We weren't worried; there were two large screens on each side of the stage and we knew we'd get a view then. Maxwell took the take the stage at 10:30 and would you know, THEY NEVER TURNED THE SCREENS ON!!! People were sooo mad, my friends included. We couldn't stand the whole show since the seats weren't stadium seating....out of courtesy, we remained seated most of the show. (Although I HAD to jump up when he went into "Til the Cops Come Knockin'"...LOVE IT). I was honestly sooooo glad I saw him in Clearwater, because all of the intimacy of that show was lost in this particular venue. Of course it was sensual, but it wasn't the same because we couldn't see his face and see what he was doing. Boo. My Maxwell love forever reigns, but next time I plan to be in an assigned seat in a small venue. Thank you.

Let me just add, the experience didn't completely sour everything. My girls - self included - continued to drool over Maxwell for the next two days, even though our seats were 12 miles away from the stage.

After the show, we were too hungry to stay for Tom's afterparty and went to IHOP instead. Two of us went to Sea World the next day, where my girl had heard that Tom was having a Family Reunion BBQ. Apparently he invited everyone in radioland, but when we arrived we found out that you had to have a special bracelet to get into his special viewing of Shamu's Believe show and the BBQ. WTF. About midday, I turned to my girl and asked, "has anyone from the family reunion spoken to you? At ALL?". She told me, "nope". Me neither. The people we encountered, and it was a lot of them, especially at Sea World, were not very friendly. They just walked by without speaking, even when you acknowledged them with a headnod and smile. Or an actual hello. In fact, one man - so irate that he was in the wrong location for the BBQ with his "fat pockets" and ability to eat whatever he wanted (don't ask) - hit me with his stuffed Shamu toy while trying to leave the queue line. And I couldn't get so much as an "excuse me". It seriously turned me off from attending any other TJMS events, which sucks. Becuase Tom's event at the Florida Aquarium for the National Assn of Black Journalists was really nice.

I don't know, maybe I shouldn't let this turn me off, but I paid good money for that concert and I'm glad I didn't pay for the others. I imagined it would be better organized. And that people would be warmer. I know that this is one family reunion that made me feel like an outsider. Boo.

Rest in Peace, King of Pop

I originally wrote this post on another blogging site in 2005. This loss has hit me harder than I ever would've thought. Even when I was younger, I would dread the day Michael left us. In my mind, I'd be a much older woman when it happened, so for this to occur at the mere age of 30 (for him, age 50) is unfathomable. I'm grieving like he was a family member. In many ways, he was. People don't understand it, but there is comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one this rocked by Michael's death. His music will live on.

Michael Joseph Jackson
August 29, 1958 - June 25, 2009

The Evolution of a Fan

Jan 2005


I watched the "48 Hours Mystery" on Michael Jackson on Saturday night
and it got me to thinking about the years I spent as a Michael devotee.
I can't pinpoint when, where or how it started but as long as I can
remember, I was Michael Jackson crazy. Unlike many people here on
Xanga, I was actually alive when both Off the Wall and Thriller were
released, although I wasn't even school-aged yet. My parents bought my
brother and me matching "Beat It" jackets with all the zippers. We had

Thriller on vinyl - yeah we did! - and my brother and I used to play it in
the basement all the time. Then, he suddenly got into Prince, and the
Michael vs. Prince debate became a constant in my home. This lasted
until I was in high school, when I finally conceded that yes, Prince is
off the hook. I remember Michael coming to Cleveland on the Bad Tour,
and my parents wouldn't take me. I just had to watch my copy of
"Moonwalker" and like it. Receive it Carla, you will not be going to the concert. I'm still bitter about that, since
I've never seen him perform live and the way things are looking, I
never will.






I hit the seventh grade in 1991, right around the time Dangerous was
released, and I don't know what happened. I became a fanatic. We were
all entering puberty...everyone else was starting to date, but since I
was a goof, Michael Jackson became my new fake boyfriend. My other
goofy friends and I formed our own little clique founded on our
devotion to Michael. While I was in eighth grade "The Jacksons: An
American Dream" miniseries debuted on ABC. It was over. My corny friends
and I had the movie memorized in a matter of months. We had viewing
parties. We celebrated Michael's birthday. For my 13th birthday, I
received a life-size cut out of MJ's pic on his Bad CD. I wrote letters
to his fan club, and received a autographed pic written out to me. My
brother and I used to box anytime he made a negative comment about
Mike. I got offended at the jokes, so I got picked on a lot. Yeah, it
was bad. I was a fan obsessed.



<----Look, it's on sale



I got to high school and suddenly, it was no longer cool to be part of
the Michael Jackson clique. We disbanded, and suddenly the interest
went from celebrities to real life boys. I was still a loyal supporter
- I bought HIStory the day it was released - but my priorities had
shifted. This was either during or right after the first set of child
molestation allegations, and dude I had Michael's BACK. Don't nobody
say nothin' bad about Michael! I even bought the Blood on
the Dance Floor cd to show my Mike support.











Then the shift happened. Maybe I just grew up. Grew out of it. I can't
pinpoint when it happened, but I realized it when Invincible
was
released and I didn't buy it. That was huge..me? Not buying a Michael
Jackson CD? I still don't own it to this day. (although "Butterflies"
is the JAM). I've been guilty of laughing at Michael Jackson jokes. I
can now admit that his appearance is out of hand. My heart breaks
whenever I see a current picture of him. What drove him to destroy his
face like that?



<-----This is on sale too. Maybe I should buy it



And now, here we are on the eve of his big trial, and I don't know what
to think. It's hard for me to believe that he could've actually
molested these kids, but I haven't heard the evidence against him yet.
I think it was definite and serious lapse of judgment to have these
kids in his house/in his bed if he is innocent. Hello, McFly? Welcome
to the real world. At the end of the" 48 hrs" program, there was a
graphic that said that if Mike is convicted on all counts, he could
spent 20+ years in prision! :Shocked: That hit me hard..Michael Jackson
in jail? Geez...I guess we'll see what happens in due time.


Addendum: June 27, 2009

Thank God he was found not guilty. I still to this day don't believe he did anything wrong. Poor judgment, yes? But I never saw Michael Jackson as a manipulative pedophile. I saw him as a troubled man who never had a proper upbringing, and therefore, had stunted emotional development. I loved him with all my heart, as if I knew him, and was longing for an opportunity to see him perform live. It's heartbreaking that I'll never have that chance. My heart aches for his family, for him to be the first one to pass away. I pray that the media is respectful of the family and his legacy.

Rest in peace, Michael.

Thirty and Fabulous!!

It's been a minute since I've written here. Almost three months; wow. Much has been happening in the life of me....most prominently, I've begun working with the federal government at the Tampa VA Hospital. I've been there a little bit more than a month, and I'm enjoying the job thus far. Nevermind the pay raise - which is nice :) - but the work itself is better than my former job. My patient list never goes over 24, versus the 60-80 some patients I used to be responsible for assisting. The nuts and bolts of the job are the same (discharge planning and counseling), but having less patients allows for more time with each one. And I enjoy working with the veterans. These guys sacrificed their lives in order to make this country a safer place, and many of them have fascinating stories. Loving the new gig.

I also got a new car last month. The old one had some time left on it, but the cost of maintaining it was becoming more than a notion. So I traded it in after 8 years and got a 2007 Camry. It's a larger car and is in this funky aqua-green color. I love the car but not looking forward to my first car note in 4 years.



Finally, I hit a milestone: I turned 30 years old on April 28th! I can't believe I'm actually 30!!! It feels good at the moment, but it's also very new. I've stepped up my nutrition/exercise regime....I want to keep everything tight as I get older! My birthday celebration was a blast; my girls came down from Tallahassee and I also celebrated with my girls here in Tampa. Dinner, movies, shopping, pampering, comedy show and a night of dancing. On my actual birthday, I went to Magic Kingdom with another of my girls. A total blast; what a great way to ring in 30! The party continues in two weeks as I travel to Chicago to party with my girls Jynnifer and Maya for THEIR 30th birthdays. Can't wait, I haven't been to the CHI in four years!

Hello 30!!!!